I was going about my business for this website by deep diving the internet and looking for stories or interesting points of view. And that’s when I stumbled upon an article about camouflaged depression, and it hit way too close to home for me to not address it, as I would be doing a disservice to myself by not sharing it with the world.
I went over point by point on this list, and I had a story for everyone. Unfortunately, they weren’t stories from a long time ago, but rather, stories that are unfolding right now. Even beneath my very own nose, I wasn’t aware of my very own nuances when it came to hiding my depression.
So now I’m going to bare my soul and let you digest my open wounds in hopes that at least one person becomes aware of their own depression after reading through this list as I did before. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll want to share your list too one day.
1. THEY HIDE THEIR SYMPTOMS, NOT THEIR ANXIETIES
You would never know I’m depressed unless I told you so. I show up everywhere with a smile on my face, and I always seem like a rock for everyone. However, I do try to fit in by discussing my anxiety, which I do have. It’s a common thing people battle and way easier to seem more human to others without a lot of questions directed your way.
I’m an expert at talking about myself but not talking about myself at the same time.
2. THEY ARE OFTEN ANXIOUS ABOUT THEIR OWN ANXIETY
Everyone looks at me as someone in control, but deep down, one of my biggest fears is that you’ll see me in a full blown anxiety attack. It’s all about control and the facade that I have control. Being exposed gets me anxious just thinking about it.
3. THEY ARE OUTGOING YET INTROVERTED, VERY SOCIAL BUT RARELY OUTDOORS
Boy, did I laugh when I read this one. I’m still laughing. I like my alone time….a lot. I like it when people come to me, but know when to leave. If I go somewhere to be social, I most likely will leave early because I need to be alone. I do go places, but it’s in short spurts. So it looks like I’m a social extrovert, but secretly I’m not.
4. THEY MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR THEMSELVES BY SUPPRESSING THEIR FEELINGS
Do I suppress my feelings? Yes. I really don’t like my feelings being the center of attention. My role is being a good listener, and it makes me feel like I’m in control this way. I don’t want to feel needy to others because being needy to me feels like I’m spiraling and out of control. So I just bottle everything up.
5. THEY ARE TALENTED AND EXPRESSIVE; OFTEN IN UNEXPECTED WAYS
This one also made me laugh and is somewhat of a distraction tactic for me. It’s not just hiding from you, but it’s also hiding from myself. I do love doing things for others, and it comes off as very unselfish. However, it is very self-serving too.
I can be the friend you need me to be, but at the same time, it helps me do all these things as an outlet with a smile on my face. It’s very similar to sad clown syndrome. Think Robin Williams when it comes to this one. It’s like I’m filling a void but only temporarily.
6. ABNORMAL SLEEPING AND EATING HABITS
I haven’t had a good night’s rest in I couldn’t tell you how long. I seriously wake up every two hours, yet I could sleep at any point of the day. And when it comes to eating habits, I’m pretty all over the place. I try to have structure, and currently, it’s working during the week, but on the weekend it all goes to h-e-double hockey sticks.
7. THEY ARE PERPETUALLY SEARCHING FOR A PURPOSE IN LIFE
My new search is building this website. HA! Am I lol’ing now. You should see me. TEARS!! This list is the best.
8. THEY ARE THINKERS AND PROBLEM-SAVERS
I love it when people come to me with problems, ideas or any puzzle to work on. I love the group aspect of using our brain power together. Since I’m always in a battle with myself, I’ve thought out a million different scenarios, good and bad, but a lot of bad. This kind of thinking helps me feel in control and safe. It also hampers me from taking chances (a whole other story), but it also makes me the guy you go to when you’re really in a bind.
9. THEY DON’T TRUST EASILY, BUT THEY SURE ARE GREAT AT CONVINCING OTHERS THAT THEY DO
This one’s hard to answer without going into a long story, so I’ll do my best to be short.
I have many people in my life that love me and trust me in every way, yet they know very little about me. I only give a sliver like bait. Very few people have seen the full me, and that’s because I have major trust issues from when I was younger, and it’s been quite difficult trying to kick that habit.
*This one was something that I really needed to read and that I’ve been hiding from in a major way.
10. THEY SEEK LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE WHILE ASSUMING THEY ARE HATED BY EVERYONE
For me, I wouldn’t say this applies when it comes to my friendships and family relationships. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, this couldn’t be truer. Hate is a strong word. For my purposes, I would say that I feel that I’m unworthy of the love I receive back. Make sense?
11. THEY DESIRE CONTROL
Ummmmmm……Yes. This was a quick one. I like feeling in control. It’s kinda like I’m leading a double life, so I need to be in charge, so no one finds out.
12. THEY ARE SMART BUT OFTEN DOUBTFUL
If I could check mark this box more than once, I would. Sometimes I can go on a run without doubts, but eventually, they come creeping in. So yeah, please don’t ask me if I feel like this website will be successful. Thanks! It’s much appreciated.
13. THEY ARE SELF-REGULATING INDIVIDUALS
I’d say this one might be redundant, but I am a people pleaser through and through. I can assess situations and be able to take the form in which it is most acceptable to others. It kind of sounds like I might be a sociopath, but it’s more avoiding anyone asking me questions and keeping the focus on them.
If you or a loved one are battling with mental health issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.