Absorption Anxiety Disorder: Facebook Reacts to the Trump’s ‘Bounty’ of Aid

Posted by Christie Szymanowski | Oct 30, 2017 | Anxiety, Social Media Anxiety Disorder of the Week | 0 |

San Juan, Puerto Rico – Citizens of Puerto Rico took to Facebook recently to express their gratitude for the five rolls of paper towels President Trump launched at them during a visit to the hurricane-battered US territory.

“I was lucky enough to catch one of our selfless leader’s donations,” Elena Trevino said in a Facebook video as she clung lovingly to a roll of paper towels. “He even splurged and got the good stuff! I bet I’ll be able to sop up the five inches of water that are still in my house in no time!”

“It was like being at a baseball game when they fire those t-shirt cannons,” Juan Gomez, who has been living at a shelter because he hasn’t had electricity in his apartment in weeks, wrote in a comment on her video. “You’re so lucky!”

Luis Rodriguez, a lawyer from San Juan, is using Facebook Marketplace to auction off one double-ply sheet that the president signed with a Sharpie. So far, the bid sits at $3.57, but is expected to go for up to $10 when the auction ends next week. Famed restauranteur Marco Huerta, who has two Michelin stars, says he plans to buy the treasured sheet if he has the money after fixing up his San Juan restaurant.

“So thankful for the president’s contribution after this horrific disaster,” Ella Martinez wrote, posting a picture of her kissing the role of paper towels she was lucky enough to catch. “My roof blew clean off in Maria, but now every time it rains, I’ll have something to clean up the mess with!”

Unfortunately, millions of other Puerto Ricans weren’t so lucky. 

“You’re so #blessed! My house is still soaked! I don’t know what I’m going to do without paper towels!” wrote Anna Garcia, a retired administrative assistant and grandmother of four while she charged her phone and chugged her allotted two bottles of water at a local shelter and relief station before going back home to weed through her belongings.

Thankfully, other paper towel recipients heard her plea and banded together to provide her relief. Together, they each donated one full sheet to Garcia‘s clean-up efforts. She said she’s using them to try to sop up some of the water from her parents’ seventy-year-old wedding photographs.

Jose Rosario, who caught paper towel roll number four, is planning on using the President’s contribution to replace his battered roof. “Thank you, President Trump!” he wrote, posting a picture of himself lifting the paper towels triumphantly over his head. “If I layer these correctly, I’ll be able to stop the streams of water that come into my home every time it rains!”

Leo Perez, who caught the fifth and final roll, says he’s unsure of what he’s going to with it yet. “You never know. The possibilities are limitless. The president’s visit just filled me with so much hope for the future.”

This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

Photo Image: Mike Mozart

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