The Addictionary of Oxford English: Feng Shui

Posted by Sir Alexander Johns | Oct 30, 2017 | Addiction, The Addictionary of Oxford English | 0 |

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Definition of Feng Shui in English:

Feng Shui


(in Chinese thought) a system of laws considered to govern spatial arrangement and orientation in relation to the flow of energy (qi), and whose favorable or unfavorable effects are taken into account when siting and designing buildings.

“You can’t enjoy a nice cup of tea without a little feng shui.” Oxford English

Feng Shui Quotes about Oxford English

“I was so cross when Oxford would come home in the wee hours of the morning after spending the night at the bars – with some trollop, no doubt – so I’d rearrange the furniture. You know, make him trip on his way in. Well the one time, he wasn’t actually blackout plastered, and he remembered falling in the morning. He was right angry – I’ll tell you that. So what did I tell him? I said, ‘Oxford, I didn’t mean to make you trip! I was trying this new technique that’s come over from China. It’s call feng shui. Biggest mistake of my bloody life, telling that man about feng shui. He’s been obsessed with it ever since.” Marigold English (Ex-Wife #14)

“Oxford committed quite a lot of sack-worthy offenses during his time at the paper factory – don’t even get me started on the cow manure incident – but none were so bad as when he decided our office building needed to be decorated according to feng shui. I came in on Monday morning only to find that he’d moved everything as a way to get the energy of the room flowing. But that was the least of my concerns. Unfortunately, he took the word ‘flowing’ a bit too literally and decided to leave the sink running all weekend. Four feet. Four bloody feet of water. Even ruined the only photograph I had of Scabby, my pet sheep from when I was a boy.” – David Hughes-Wivern (Salesperson at Birtwhistle Paper Products, 1989-2000)

“Oxford actually went to China to learn the art of feng shui. He enrolled at the Shanghai Academy of Feng Shui Living. He came back thinking he was fluent in Chinese, but really, he didn’t learn how to say much more than peace, prosperity, and some other hippie bullshit. I must say, though – his pronunciation of ‘dumpling’ is practically perfect.” – Simon Chan (Neighbor #889)

“A big idea in feng shui is that you’ve got to be able to see the back of the house from the front of the house. It’s not like I give a damn about feng shui, so why do I know this? Because Oxford bloody English tore out two full walls to help the energy flow through it! Except, you know what? Oxford’s not a bleeding architect. Did he think for one moment that he might be ripping out a structural wall? No, of course not! He just decided to contact some big-name tellie producers and rip it out when I was in Majorca on holiday! I came home to a pile of rubble where my house used to be – and Oxford was nowhere to be found.” – Nigel Roundbottom (Former Neighbor and Victim of the BBC’s Changing Rooms)


Chinese, from fēng ‘wind’ and shuǐ ‘water’.


feng shui /ˌfeNG ˈSHo͞oē//ˌfɛŋ ˈʃui/

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This Dictionary entry was curated by Sir Alexander Johns.

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