Do I Have A Horoscope Addiction?

Posted by Sir Alexander Johns | Oct 29, 2018 | Addiction, The Addictionary of Oxford English | 0 |

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Definition of Horoscope in English:



1. A forecast of a person’s future, typically including a delineation of character and circumstances, based on the relative positions of the stars and planets at the time of that person’s birth.

“I’ve never put much stock into horoscopes, but for the record, you should never trust a Scorpio. They will certainly sting you.” Oxford English

1.1. A short forecast for people born under a particular sign, especially as published in a newspaper or magazine.

“I read my horoscope in a Woman’s Weekly magazine once. Slow subscription month for the doctor’s office, I suppose. It told me good things were on the horizon, and the next week, I met my eighteenth wife! She was probably the most compatible of my liaisons, so perhaps they aren’t all hogwash.” Oxford English 

Horoscope Quotes about Oxford English

“I simply don’t know what I was getting into – agreeing to go out with a Leo! As a Scorpio born in the house of Jupiter and cursed with the ability to read horoscopes with such precision, I should have known better. I DID know better. But I’m only human, and I couldn’t resist Oxford’s wiles.” – Madam Electra von Dukker (Astrologer at Electra’s Astrological Emporium. Real name: Paige Pope)

“Oxford will only marry people who are Aries, Gemini, Libra, and Sagittarius. He’s quite superstitious when it comes to horoscopes. Shagging on the other hand, he’ll even do a Scorpio.” Ariana Crumb (Random Third Cousin)

“Oxford briefly tried to start a charity called “Give a Whore a Scope,” where he raised funds to get prostitutes off the street and into training programs to become nurses’ assistants. Unfortunately, it sounded too much like “Give a Horoscope,” and he basically just had a bunch of stay-at-home mums showing up. It wasn’t too terribly awkward until he started talking to them about the dangers of – and his personal experience with – venereal diseases.” Dr. Timothy Livingston (Author, A History of Peckham Courtesans)

“Oxford worked at Electra’s Astrological Emporium for a few months while they were together. He started as a shopkeeper, but she decided he had ‘the gift’ after a certain time, and before I knew it, he was reading horoscopes, too. So I decided to book a reading with him. Oxford took one look at my palm and told me I had the shortest lifeline he’d ever seen. Apparently this was a joke, since I was only the second palm he’d ever read. I ran out of there screaming, thinking I had a week to live.” Mary Crane (Cashier at Bigglesworth’s Garden Centre)

“I can’t even tell you the number of times Oxford’s told me he doesn’t believe in horoscopes. I’m an Atheist, and I don’t believe in any of that spiritual rubbish. So old Oxford told me anything he thought I wanted to hear. You know how I know if that’s true? Then why does he have a tattoo of a Leo sign on his bum? Why does he have the damn tattoo?!” Hermione English (Ex-Wife #11)


Old English: via Latin from Greek hōroskopos, from hōra ‘time’ + skopos ‘observer’.



If you or a loved one you know has an Addiction problem, whether it be drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex or any other addiction under the sun like our friend Oxford English, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.

This Dictionary entry was curated by Sir Alexander Johns.

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