The Addictionary of Oxford English: Lotion

Posted by Sir Alexander Johns | Mar 5, 2018 | Addiction, The Addictionary of Oxford English | 0 |

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Definition of Lotion in English:



[mass noun] A thick, smooth liquid preparation designed to be applied to the skin for medicinal or cosmetic purposes

“Nivea? Bath and Body Works? Aveno? I don’t care… it’s the motion with the lotion that matters.” Oxford English

Lotion Quotes about Oxford English

“It used to be that Oxford was perving around all the local pubs ‘til he landed some sweet, young tart. In his old age, though, he hasn’t the game he used to. Some Friday nights, he just comes into Tesco and buys himself Franzia, a bottle of lotion, and a box of tissues. It’d be sad if he weren’t such a cog.” Anna Shrew (Cashier at Tesco)

“Who could forget the Oxford English lotion fiasco of eighty-three? He called it Willy Tonic, and he peddled it on the street in Camden Town, ‘cause if anyone’s gonna buy a dodgy product called Willy Tonic, it’s folks in Camden Town. ‘Enlarge your barge in a fortnight!’ he’d say. More than a few blokes fell for it, especially since we were all amped up on Charlie in those days. It wasn’t all that uncommon to do a line, apply some Willy Tonic, and go at it with some bird you met at the club. When you do chang, you’re less aware of the fact that your John Thomas might be falling off.” Ebenezer Johnson (Eighties Cokehead #1,893,401)

“Back in the eighties, Oxford started a lotion-making business that targeted men. He only ever sold it in these little three ounce bottles. He claimed that, not only would it give you a pleasurable experience comparable to a good roll in the sack, but it would also enlarge the ole pork sword. It smelled of pickle brine. When I… erm… applied it, it felt good at first. Just a nice tingle; you know? After a few minutes, though, it felt like I’d applied Icy-Hot to my willy and dunked it in boiling water. If there was any enlargement happening, it was only in the way of these strange, purple welts that appeared the next day. I was in hospital for three days! Eventually I got a few hundred quid out of a class-action lawsuit. Not nearly enough for all my pain and suffering.” Arthur Wiggleston (Class Action Lawsuit Filer #279)

 “Yes, I did represent those poor, downtrodden men with welts and bruises and scabs on their knobs. It was a simple case, but quite high-profile. They even wrote a blurb about us in The Times. All I had to do was show the jury pictures of their afflictions, and they were ready to send Oxford English to the gallows for producing a shoddy lotion. It’s a shame we outlawed public execution back in the sixties… Imagine causing such pain to another man’s meat puppet! The nerve!  Richard Evan-Carmichael, Esq. (Prosecution Lawyer, English vs. The English People)


Late Middle English: from Old French, or from Lating lotio(n-), from lot- ‘washed,’ from the verb lavare.


lotion /ˈləʊʃ(ə)n/

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This Dictionary entry was curated by Sir Alexander Johns.

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