I’ve been reconnecting with ex lovers for validation on Instagram. They all go about flirting in dramatically different ways.. I feel like the Bachelor and my response it my rose being handed out. I’ve started posting things that are v sexy just to induce illicit responses and DM’s- aka “Check the temperature” of my Insta.
I watched a tutorial about rapidly growing insta and it was crystal fucking clear. Post things for THEM not you. He said to a fitness bear “like, a photo of you looking good is alright, but post how you look good, what you eat, what you’ve been upto to get these results.” And I really took that to heart.
Then I realized WHO follows me and WHY. I used to be a slutty cub that was all about the thirst traps. Then I grew up that audience of people. Then I pivoted to a covered-up relationship suburban-dad type content. But after the breakup I became all Bondage and whips then went back to motivational quotes. Branding if Fukt. I wish someone ran my insta or I had a Kanye to dress me into the millions of followers I need to create my platform.
So I got to work. What would Kimye do.
I put on an electro song and danced to it like there was a pole involved. I picked a song with rly slutty lyrics. I posted a photo of me on my bed with suggestive paw placement. I followed that with a mostly (all) naked pic with implied nudity
And voila. Within minutes all my prospects came rolling in. Tommy was like “damn”. Javier was like “where are you?”, Kyle was like “I’ll deal with you when I get back. *side smirk emoji”
Hell, even Lee’s old artist was like “heart eyes, fire, squirt emoji” followed with “you still here in the Arctic?” Ouffff I’m being slutty more often. What could go wrong?
My Dad joined Instagram.
He added the sisters, and I got a group chat notification. I realized Dad didn’t add me though? I’m easy enough to find through my sister’s- they have like 4 followers.
Omg I’m too slutty for my Dad to follow. And I’m looking for a job. A good job with a suit involved or something. FUCK am I manic again?
I blocked Dad. I hope he finds that other family account that I haven’t posted in for 2 years. A bear can dream.
Either way, I had no ideas those two World’s could intersect so easily. Where was he for my suburban phase!? I don’t really want him as a “friend” anyway, we don’t need to cross those boundaries. Plus since the whole divorce issue… I think it’s fitting that I can just block him and keep posting slutty shit-right!? Or else I’ll end up with every estranged aunt and cousin watching my manic meltdowns and thirst traps and I don’t need anymore judgement from them then I already have. Let’s be clear.