I knew for a fact that I’d be the hottest Bear in the club at Arc’en ciel. I showed up as a slutty Care Bear and my friend Jack went as a slutty Winnie the Pooh. #Twinning!!
We went pre-drinking down at the harbour until fucking Wally jumped up from the current asking me to guess who TF he is for Halloween. Ugh, not this again.
He hasn’t left me alone since I met him at my glacier meditation retreat. He never shuts the fuck up. I guessed “Free Willy (obviously) and this asshole yells “no! I’m a panda duh!” This slutty ass whale has only a head band on. Killer, indeed. I ended up feeling so over dressed. I should have been a damned Panda too….
I showered myself in glitter body spray (vanilla) and moved on to the club. Just as I was getting slutty and dropping it low, I saw Bif walk in. He’s so fucking rich now!! He came with his amputee arm covered in blood and bandages and had a plush replica of JAWS strapped onto his leg. He was the belle of the ball. Literally everyone started lining up trying to get Insta pics with him like he was Siberian Clause at the Mall. Gahd he’s such a babe. He looks great.
He watched me as I walked around acting so flirty with Jack that I actually had toexplain to Jack that it wasn’t personal. After the first hour he was like “OK stop trying to hold my hand now… I’m trying to pick up too”. So selfish. So self centred. Fucking Jack. Only thinks of himself.
I was surrounded in Paddington Bears, Yogi Bears, Fozzie Bears etc. Apparently we were the only ones that got the sexy memo.
I’d gotten at least 3 good “couples” photos of us for my IG story. I even added the location tag so I got double the views I usually do. Jack was furious. Even though I didn’t tag him.
I told him it was all in his head. I captioned it “Bear-ly Baes” to lessen the impression of us dating. He saw it as a play on words that we are “bears” and “baes” and we haven’t really spoken since. Jack ended up picking up a Brown Bear dressed as a Black Bear (face paint and all- ugh so tacky. Cultural appropriation AND you can’t even tell what he looks like…) Apparently Jack was rolling the dice tonight.
I made them a deal that if they left the club with me, I would pay for their Bl’Uber home. I don’t want Bif to see me leaving the club alone! l I left while yelling “can’t wait to get home!” while forcing them to hold hands with me and shoving them into my Bl’Uber while winking at Bif. I wanted him to think we’re all having a threesome, obviously.
Jack still won’t speak to me. Again, selfish.
Sometimes growing up feels like a series of events showing you who your REAL friends are. #NotJack
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