Ah Christmas, the season for entitlement. I have a million holiday party invites (#blessed) outside of the city (#ugh).
I will be doing more partying, drinking and eating this weekend then I will all year round. It was all fun and games until I was ASSIGNED things to bring (!?) They want fondue fountains (that are more their budget than mine), Champagne and fucking veggie trays (ew tho). No one seems to consider the cost of Bl’uber, liquor and mental health that comes with accepting all these random invites. But my Instagram aesthetic must be ON POINT if they think I can afford that- so I’m mildly hype.
I only see these people once a year, so this year I decided to be an adult and pick between either Ativan or Drinking (because of that incident last year….). I also want to do the buddy system- even if I have to a rent a bear as my boyfriend (obvious escorts at parties always make you look rich anyway). I just need a fake reason to leave and someone to leave with (read: carry me out) if things go like last year. It’s all about contingency plans.
I’ve told my family that I’m working long hours to avoid their FACETIME calls (just call me like a regular person) and incessant group chats.
My sister who is fresh from the jail yard had the brilliant idea to get a family tattoo. That I don’t get to pick. That she designed. It’s terrible so far… I’m trying not to hurt her feelings once a day with a response to her dumb fucking ideas so I’ve been politely ignoring her.
I’m gonna tell my family that I’m heading to New York for a gig on Christmas and that I’m so sorry I couldn’t get mutually branded with a shitty tattoo that my sister manually drew out (I’m not a fridge! I don’t host your shitty art! – I want to say, but haven’t)
My Dad even says he wants to “meet up and drink” with just the men. But I’d prefer Ativan over drinking for that bonding experience. I’m too honest for social settings. I’ve researched etiquette and it sounds painfully boring to be polite. I like to keep things interesting and authentic with these entitled Christmas Jerks. How can they feed me alcohol AND expect manners. Pick one. Fucking rookies.
Anyway, for now I’ve been looking up New York travel photos on other bears’ Instagrams. I’m gonna get someone on ArcticWork to ‘shop me in nicely (maybe even with a Santa hat for flavour?) so that I can upload a pic a day with annoying (believable) hashtags like “The dream only works if you do! #Dreamchaser” and “Made it here so I can make it anywhere #NewYearNewMe” …..while maxing out my BearFlix accounts, over-stuffing my face with Bl’uber Eats and refreshing my Plenty of Seals like a true romantic.
Tis the season for hibernation! *Shuts off my SAD lamp
If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.