My Absolute Dearest Diary,
Everything is wonderful. I feel like I could run a marathon. I want to help people. I just know that this is the day I conquer the World.
I applied to 9 jobs in coffee shops with the hottest bearistas. I joined a beat poetry group- and I currently don’t write poetry. I’m so optimistic.
I left my weed at home today. I have absolutely no anxiety. I feel sexy I feel 200 pounds lighters- like I have reverse body dysmorphia. I haven’t felt this good since MDMA. Or that time I quit smoking weed for 3 days AND ate clean for 2/3 meals a day.
Then I realized I hate carrots. Like, I fuckinngggggg hate carrots. And my sister.
My Dad says he appreciates me letting him abandon me. Most of his friends son’s have been writing about in on “The Facebook” as he calls it. Not I. Fuck no. Happy as a clam by my lonesome. Independent Bear that don’t need no Dad. In fact, I’m annoyed that he called to thank me. #NoThanks I’m walking on sunshine. Call one of the daughters.
OH! He said my formerly-CEO sister got a job at a Bait Shop in town ahahahaha such a good day
I’m even in my favorite (read: only) shorts. They’re Arctic Flags. Let these bears know that this ass is Patriotic. Might even run for President know that I’ve seen the qualifications. Like, I’m literally QUALIFIED FOR PRESIDENT.
What could go wrong?
I have a sexy new photo in my shmancy new shorts just for Plenty of Seals to eat it up. I’ve been watching the Real Housewives of The Arctic and I feel like that’s my true calling. The show though- not the housewifing. But seriously, I look so good today with my heavy sex vibes that I won’t be surprised if I get snatched up just strutting. I am ready for my new hubby, universe!
And yes I’m still with Lee but he’ll never get me to Housewife status. He makes me split the damn bills! I want fake claws, a toupe and a new harness. I just need the right kind of Arctic Zaddy to see my worth, my confidence, and my uncanny willingness to put out (well, this week at least).
I’m ready to b eaten good and using golden bathrooms. Or even just to own a bed set (which I’ve seen on TV!) I deserve this. But ya, in the meantime, I’ll just keep mass uploading selfies to Insta timeline to let these hoes know that I’m back from my depression and FEELING MYSELF.
LITTLE KNOWN FACT
The Arctic Flag was created by the acclaimed mindfulness technique instructor and artist, Yogi Beara.
If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.