Dear Judge Mental Jones,
My boyfriend has BiPolar, and he is crazy sensitive when he’s manic and he explodes on me in public – anywhere. When I ask to take space so we can reset and calm down, he never lets me. He insists on following me and calling too much or showing up at my work. I love him- but when he gets triggered, he becomes abusive saying mean and hurtful things that he can’t take back. He refuses to take his pills, but I try not to hold it against him because he has mental illness, but this is causing me stress and depression now. I’m walking on eggshells. How can I set up a new healthy boundary?
Dear My Boyfriend Isn’t Taking His Bipolar Medication,
!?!?!!? You let that asshole know that it’s no one’s fault if they have mental illness but it IS their fault if they chose not to medicate the symptoms and take it out on their loved ones. Space is space- and everyone is entitled to take it. And stalking is not a symptom of Bipolar, it’s a symptom of being an asshole who refuses to treat his symptoms. You deserve to be in a stress-free stalker-free relationship and if he’s refusing to get help and impacting your sound and not worth it.
You can’t live your life excusing his outlandish and hurtful behaviour because he battles BiPolar… there are plenty of amazing and considerate people with BiPolar, so I hate to tell you- but this is his actual personality and you will still be walking on eggshells with this egghead until he seeks the treatment he needs and begins his mood stabilizers- for the sake of yourself, himself and society at large. We can’t have explosive douchebags triggering out on you and abusing your sense of self and right to take space. Tell him to build a bridge and get over himself because the misconception is that people with mental health are abusive- but sometimes it’s just their personality. He’s giving people with BiPolar a bad rep so he can fuck himself (literally, after you break up with him).
Now there is the possibility that he has multiple issues going on that are undiagnosed and he could have a paranoid type of disorder as well, in that case, he really needs to start taking his meds again and accept help. At a certain point, if he refuses to do so, you need to cut the cord.
xo Judge Mental Jones
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
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