I was dating this woman for awhile named Cindy. She seemed to be everything that I was looking for, and I quite liked how passionate she was about her job and hobbies. It’s hard to find someone who speaks like that. However, there was one thing that she just couldn’t understand, and that was my PTSD.
I can’t work a job like everyone else. There are just some things I can and cannot do now. It’s just impossible. The triggers are everywhere. And I still want to make money and do things that I enjoy, so I do my best to figure things out and to try and limit these triggers as much as possible.
I want to feel free and being on the road is a way for me to feel that way. I like the gadgets I sell. All of them are damn cool in their own way. And the stores that I sell them too, often have interesting people that run them. And by interesting, I mean they have an odd sense of humor and beat to their own drums. I like talking to them and showing them the new gadgets the company I work for (Cool Gadgets Inc.) has made.
I don’t feel like a phony when I meet these people, as we all share a mutual interest. I don’t have to deal with office politics that much as I only go to the office when I come off the road to learn about the new products.
This one time they had a new product at the office that was one of those buttons you press, and all different sounds come out. Obviously, the biggest seller we ever had was the fart one, but the most recent one was of odd grunts. This one didn’t sit well with me, as grunts that tennis players make trigger me badly, and there was one on there of some woman tennis player named Monica Seles. Big trigger! And I had to leave the premises immediately. Not good.
I know for many it may seem like I’ve taken myself out of society, but I’m just protecting myself while trying to get by in the world that we live in. It’s not easy, and I think I’ve been able to carve out my little piece of living the best way I can and I’m proud of that.
The one thing that’s been the toughest has been dating. Having your friends and family empathize with you, or understand you is one thing, but dating is a whole different ball game. Finding someone that actually understands what I’m going through has proved difficult so far since I started battling PTSD.
I’ve started using Tinder while on the road, and it doesn’t make me feel good about myself either, even though I do get to have sex a lot. I’m like everyone else still. I do get lonely and having lots of meaningless sex just doesn’t do it for me anymore even though I keep on doing it.
I guess the whole isolation makes me feel good thing, yet being lonely sometimes is my big contradiction, and why I feel like I’m undateable since I broke up with Cindy.
No, I’m not avoiding you. I’m avoiding everyone!
I like being a travelling salesperson for a reason.
There are few jobs that let me feel free like this.
I hope you understand.
P.S. Thanks for the nude pics. Who took them?
If you or a loved one is battling PTSD or CPTSD, please do get help if you’re not getting any right now. If you need to talk to anyone right away, our friends at Better Help are here for you by just CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.