Being on the road for work all the time soothes me as I don’t like to be around people that much as people trigger my PTSD more often than not. People! I love them, but I kinda hate them too. That’s why just being in my car, traveling Canada, selling my wares, and dealing with others on a sporadic basis is best for me.
However, sometimes things happen when I’m on the road that I just can’t control, and I’ll get triggered pretty badly. The results of these triggers are wide-ranging as many of my family and friends can attest to. Some of these people are understanding, and some of them could be better people about it all, but I’m related to them, and I can’t do anything about that, even though I’d love to cut them loose…….Cough…..My Sister…….Cough……..Asshole…….Cough.
I must be getting sick. That’s a lot of coughing. Maybe I should go to the doctor. Anyways, I’ll just ride it out. Oh yeah, speaking of riding, let’s get back to me and driving. The other day I drove near the Windsor/Detroit Border Crossing, and there was a massive lineup of cars and for some reason that reminded me of the event in my life that I don’t want to talk about right now and it completely knocked the wind out of my sails.
I did my best to not think of the incident, and then I started to think about lines in an alternative way and got to thinking how much of my life has been spent just waiting and everything else I could have been doing instead. I became ridiculously negative about life in general, and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking this way. Think about how much time we’re here on this earth and how much time we waste by doing nothing but waiting for your show to come on, for your friend to show up, for the phone to ring, for you to be happy, for the cable guy, for the traffic light to change, or for telling people how you feel about them. It’s mind-boggling to me.
We just wait and wait and wait and wait and wait. I bet you’re waiting and wondering when this post will come to an end. Yeah, lines really get the best of me and my negativity. I just triggered myself pretty badly again, and I can’t stop thinking about how pointless everything is. Maybe I should stop waiting and start doing things. Maybe I should keep on moving. Maybe we all should. Maybe I’m just trying to keep moving so I don’t have to think about that fact that I’m going to die one day and feel that I was just waiting around for that to happen too.
I’m so triggered. I should stop now because I may be triggering you. Sorry if I am. This stuff happens. I wish I were with my friend Chelsea Clark figuring out puzzles because when we make puzzles it calms me down and we just stay in the moment and feel free. It’s not because she triggers me…..or maybe it is? Muahahahahahah!
And that’s all I have to say about that and I think it’s best for right now.
If you or a loved one is battling PTSD or CPTSD, please do get help if you’re not getting any right now. If you need to talk to anyone right away, our friends at Better Help are here for you by just CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.