Yesterday, I was having a lovely conversation with our new Head of Real & Fake News, when somehow we got onto the topic of Neck Fat. I wasn’t the one who brought it up, but as soon as my new colleague comically discussed her neck fat insecurities, the floodgates opened for me to discuss the insecurities of my own neck fat issues. Thus, The Demon Of My Neck Fat was born.
Full disclosure, I’ve never written the words Neck Fat together before, so I found it quite amusing how many times I typed it in the first paragraph. Now on with this Demon and what it does to me.
I’ve battled my weight throughout my life and have even been Manorexic in my early twenties. I’m good at gaining weight and losing weight, but I’m just not good at maintaining weight. Over the years, some parts get bigger, and other parts shrink back, but one of those parts that won’t shrink back is my neck. I’ve tried everything to get it back to proportional size, but nothing seems to work.
As my 12-year-old niece likes to point out all the time, it’s like my neck and head are just one these days, even though she admits that it’s not as bad as it used to be. It may seem like I’m being body shamed by a 12-year-old, but she’s just being observational and is not trying to be mean for those that might want to jump all over her. She’s actually a very caring kid.
But back to my Neck Fat and the specific events that I try to avoid.
The first event that I would like to avoid is any event involving suits due to the collared shirts. Nothing is worse than having a hard collared shirt, and whenever you move your head out of its center space, all you get is facial muffin tops but they’re not as cute as belly muffin tops. I feel like everyone is watching me and judging my face rolls and commenting that I must lose weight and I get anxiety and I’ll start sweating and I’m just a mess. Avoiding all suit situations would be a life goal, but it’s just not possible. I’m not going to miss a friend’s wedding due to my Neck Fat issues, but I certainly wouldn’t mind it if it were a socially acceptable excuse.
Another event that I try to avoid is lying down in front of people. I know that sounds weird, but let’s say I’m in a reclining chair outside or on a couch that is deep, all of a sudden the change of angles has made me go from regular weight looking to being the spitting image of a chubby thumb with eyes. As I write this from my couch, I’m thankful that no one is here to look at my Neck Fat. Usually, if someone is over, I’ll hug a pillow which covers the bottom of my face, pull a blanket from somewhere, or I’ll even start biting on my t-shirt as to cover up the fact that my chin has disappeared.
My Demon of Neck Fat is a real thing and I know I should figure out how to deal with my insecurities when it comes to it but I’ve had a lifetime of body issue shame/guilt. It’s not easy to free my self from my own self-critic when this issue is concerned, and it will be a continuous lifelong struggle. It’s that deeply ingrained in me.
For now, My Demon of Neck Fat continues to get the best of me, and I’m hoping that if there are others out there that have the same Demon constantly yapping in your ear and jumping over your collared shirt border wall, that you now know that you’re not alone. Especially you men out there who might be too afraid to admit that you have body shame issues because it’s not the norm for men to admit to such things. If that’s you, then I’m giving you all virtual hugs right now, and I hope you enjoy my self-loathing self-portrait.
The Demon Of My Neck Fat by Edward Ernest
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