I’m getting old and slowly more bleached so I knew I deserved a birthday rager. I was nervous running by the new roommate until he was so enthusiastic that I wondered if there was a language barrier.
He immediately ripped off his top and started cleaning our place to a blaring Bearonce playlist. We pulled that trash pile of a house together in a day! We draped everything in tablecloths and fake fur throws to hide all the mental illness in the household and it looked so Pinterest-y! It felt like we were bonding without words. We’re probably closer now.
It turns out Andy was enthusiastic for a good reason. He chose to invite every Grind match he had to walk around the party like an episode of the Bachelor! But it got awkward- because one of those “matches” was my “straight” roommate (!!). Shit’s real. But luckily nothing escalated.
Andy bantered and flirted with each cub long enough to know who would “get a rose” (read: an invite to group sex). I kept offering his prospects more jello shots to keep things interesting.
Meanwhile, MY guest list was actually pretty tricky. I had to sort through my social media, take inventory of past birthdays and friendships and Lots of gay bears just don’t get along. Either they have dated, or fucked each other, or matched and ignored each other on Grindr. So there only ended up being like 10 gays there and the rest were “safe bets” (read: straight).
I kept thinking: who do I want to see (friends? Famliy?) and who do I want to BE SEEN with (influencers, hot bears etc). I ended up hiding the guest list on the Facebook event so that I didn’t have to handle any drama til the day of.
But between the roomies and I – we all had different goals for the party: they were thinking group sex, and I was thinking group photos (they really stick it to the ones who couldn’t make it). That divide in goals showed immediately. Shirts were flying off, dancing was getting dirty, alcohol was free flowing…. And I suspect that Andy turned on a space heater to provoke the mass exodus of clothing that began around midnight. He’s like a gay puppeteer… impressive..
Even my jail-vibes roomie was smiling ear to ear and hosting a private room party. We did more “spring cleaning” pre-party (only to trash it again..) than we did in moving in! So, I’m probably throwing parties once a month.
I never got that group shot I was hoping for, or that dance solo… or that random hookup… but I got a bag of weed, a clean(er) house, and a great party. I think I might stay after all…. But we’ll see.
I even took myself out to brunch- alone- the next morning. Coz that’s what mature single adults fucking do. Now I need a grown up headshot and an agent and I’m laughing. BWAHAHA #Adulting
If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.