I think the meds are finally kicking in again, after this month of not unmedicated decision making..
I broke up with my sister, left my boyfriend, ate everything, spoke quickly.. I was living life! Then one day, in bed, single, I woke up and was like WTF is going on. It was like waking up from a coma where someone overtook my body and made a bunch of heavy decisions on my behalf.
But here’s the thing, I woke up and didn’t regret it. These were decisions that I needed to make. Overthinking’s a bitch. I called the doctor to get a refill of my pills and I was a MONTH overdue. Whoops.
Then the paralyzing fear and introspection took over and floored me into my bed. A week passed with no lights on. Only my phone flashlight and reality TV to get through the days and nights. I was acutely antisocial, even online. I didn’t fucking care about anything at all even remotely. I was like the 😐 Bearmoji. “Meh” was my tagline.
I had an uninhibited clarity when I started missing calls that I could take just to sit in the dark and stew. I kept feeling physically ill, like a food allergy brought on by depression and a steady instant noodles diet.
I wasn’t having regret-based depression, which felt good, it was more like a lust for boredom that I hadn’t had in what seemed like forever. I needed this. Pillows and duvets and weed, OH MY.
Then one day, BAM. I was revived. I woke up, pulled myself together, took a bunch of slutty photos and headed to a strip club with my bestie Baloo.
I instantly made eye contact with an exotic Himalayan bear. He was built nicely in just a speedo drank from a straw in a way that could empty my savings. I loved him. I wanted him and I told Baloo all about it.
Then this slutty ass stinky panda bear jumped on me nearly crushing my lap. As I tried to push him off, Baloo hands him a crisp bill-laughing- and sets up a long private dance. I’m like NOPE!
But there I was…. In a dark backroom with this drunk panda stumbling all over me, crushing my nuts, screaming “spank me” (because I wouldn’t). Trauma was heavily induced. I come out, RATTLED, and B is in hysterics.
As we were leaving that damn Panda chases me down to give me his NUMBER, and I was like HELL TO THE NAH. It was fucking hilarious. Such a remedy!!
I woke up today with a whole new outlook. Depression’s gone. Pills are activated. I realize how important it is to check in with your REAL self (crazy, impulsive self) every now and then. Medication was holding me the fuck back from being my normal bold self and fearless decision making.
Sometimes you need someone to remind you of that. And now I’m happy to be back in the wild (read: the strip club).
LITTLE KNOWN FACT
My best friend Baloo Gordini invented a practical joke item called ‘Salmon Stuck In Ice’, which is a fake piece of ice with a fake salmon inside of it. In 2004, it became the practical joke of the year and became a huge seller in all novelty item shops. To this day, it consistently sells 100,000 units a year.
If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.