January 2nd, 2018 was like any other day. In all likelihood, you got up, went to work, and ate dinner. Sometime that evening, you checked Twitter. There, staring you in the face was the most terrifying Tweet you’d ever read. Donald Trump, with an innuendo so blatant that any twelve-year-old could think of it, had, yet again, taunted North Korean leader and Pillsbury Doughboy lookalike Kim Jong Un.
This time, it was over who had the bigger… nuclear button.
You felt uneasy for a minute. Scrolled through the comments. You gulped, refreshed your feed, maybe, and went about your day like the most powerful person in the world had simply Tweeted a picture of his breakfast.
Sure, everyone on every social media platform was talking about it, but the air of their comments seemed more like a tired, exasperated sigh than anything else. You shrugged at the comments and went about your day, wondering why the threat didn’t bother you more.
Congratulations! You might be experiencing nuclear apathy. And there’s something that feels kind of wrong about that; isn’t there?
Don’t worry about not worrying. You’re not alone.
Janice Richardson, an incredibly unlucky social media archivist whose sole job at the moment is to document Trump’s mental health through his tweets, said, “We’re so desensitized to this insanity right now. If anything, we’re sort of experiencing the opposite of anxiety when it comes to these types of comments.
“If any other president started talking about how his nuclear button was bigger than some strange, unstable little despot who brings to memory little more than cake memes that were popular five years ago, we would be building fallout shelters and stocking canned goods to prepare for the blast and the oncoming nuclear winter. But with Trump, we’re so used to it. Even though the threat of nuclear war feels more real than it has in decades, it’s just too exhausting to care about constantly.”
“We’re so desensitized. It’s ridiculous,” Gavin Garber commented on a New York Times article posted to Facebook. “You could literally tell me a nuke was flying toward my city, and I’d be like, ‘Oh. Maybe I should hide under my desk like they used to do in the seventies. Wood protects from nukes, right?’”
In a true mark of how parodic 2018 is likely to be, fast food giant KFC got in on the action when their UK and Ireland account compared the size of their burger to McDonald’s.
“I’m glad the Limey who runs this social media account has a sense of humor,” Tweeted Cam Ericson. “Can we just put them in charge of Trump’s Twitter account and hope for the best? By all means, you can drop as many 20 piece buckets on me as you want. Extra crispy, like my skin will be once these dick measuring contests come to a fiery end.”
College student Tracy Keen had, perhaps, the most appropriate response. “Trump and Kim are threatening nuclear war? Must be Tuesday.”
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.