What is it Like to Feel Dead Inside?

Posted by Ellis | Jun 4, 2017 | Depression, Everything Ellis | 0 |

Hey, it’s me Ellis, and I’m having a day I tell you. I sure am. Oh, it’s a day. Gosh, it is. It came out of nowhere, but right now I’m feeling kinda dead inside. Does that ever happen to you? It’s not a place I want to be, but it’s going on right now. Gosh, it’s a day I tell you.

I looked it up on the internet about what it means to feel dead inside, and some websites were helpful, but others just seemed like they didn’t understand me at all. Gosh, I kinda want to cry right now but don’t know what to do, so I texted my friend and told her what’s going on. I think that was the right thing to do.

The only thing I can think of doing are bad things to make me feel alive right now. I don’t want to mention the things because I’m feeling embarrassed about it right now. Maybe I will later. Maybe…. Probably not though.

Right now it feels like the inside of my red chest is empty and there’s nothing but a hole. I guess some people would call it a void. I dunno. The best way to describe it is that I feel a little bit like a zombie right now. I like zombie movies, even though they scare me, cause most things scare me, but I don’t like feeling like a zombie.

I think if anybody put the cutest puppy in front of me right now, I wouldn’t even care. That’s right? Not even the cutest of all animals can stop what’s going on right now. Gosh, that’s why I know that I’m depressed. I failed the puppy test.

Feeling like this is actually quite painful, even for a red dot like me. I know that doesn’t make sense, but having a massive hole inside you hurts tons. Like a huge ton.

My friend says she’s coming over now even though I don’t want her to and she says we’re going to make things and she’s going to keep me busy. I love her, and I know that she cares about me, but I do just want to be alone even though I know it’s for the best.

I guess I’m lucky that I have good friends. I may not have a lot of them because not too many people want to be friends with a red dot who has fears of everything. Not just because I’m a red dot but because I don’t always like the same things as other people, and I just feel like I’m a little misunderstood. But the few friends that I have are good ones. And it’s quality over quantity, right? I’d rather only have one friend that cared about me than five hundred friends that wouldn’t bother showing up to help me when I’m down.

Gosh, the life of a little red dot in a square human world.

Oh, I’ll be back. My friend just got here. Well, I’ll see. Whatever I make I’ll post it here. Maybe. Gosh, I don’t know.

https://massivephobia.com/everything-ellis-what-is-it-like-to-feel-dead-inside

Inside the Body of a Little Red Dot

So I came back. This is what I drew. It’s my insides right now. And I guess this is how it looks to feel dead inside to me. Gosh, I have no idea why I drew what I did. It just kinda came out of me this way. At first, I was drawing a rib cage, and then this happened. Anyway, I’m gonna get back to my friend now. 

Love, Ellis.

P.S. Thanks for listening.

This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

About The Author

Ellis

Ellis is pretty much the sweetest creature that has ever lived in the universe. Now an inhabitant of Earth, as Ellis felt misunderstood on The Big Star, Ellis just wants to feel emotions and deal with what makes a floating red circle, a floating red circle. Like you, Ellis has ups and downs, and loves to talk about the red circle condition, which is exactly like human condition, but with a lot more floating around. If Ellis had sleeves, a heart would be on it, and that's why everyone loves Ellis with all the hug power they can muster.

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