The Fake Deathbed Letter Of Dave Foley

Posted by Edward Ernest | Jun 7, 2018 | Deathbed Literature, Miscellaneous | 0 |

For those of you who clicked open this article thinking you were about to read the Deathbed Letter of comic genius, Dave Foley, from Kids In The Hall, you’re about to be sorely disappointed. This Deathbed Letter comes from a man named Dave Foley, who kind of looked like Albert Einstein, was definitely not a genius, and was last seen in Windsor, Ontario, Canada.

If the non-genius Dave Foley were still alive, he’d probably be outside somewhere smoking a cigarette, making conversation with the locals, and telling everyone that today is his birthday. However, he’s dead, and all he left behind was this letter.

Life is like my moustache. Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes it’s gross looking when you take a gander up close. Sometimes it’s gross looking even when you don’t take a gander up close circa 1968 through 1972. Sometimes it tickles. Sometimes it smells like beer. Sometimes it’s been manicured like a porn stars lawn. Sometimes I enjoy the slight breeze whipping through it. Sometimes it makes me look cool like Tom Selleck. Sometimes it makes me look like a pedophile version of Tom Selleck. Sometimes I like touching it. Sometimes I like braiding it. Sometimes I like dressing it up in cute outfits. But never, and I say never, will I ever shave off my precious face pubes, as, like life, I wouldn’t be such a mystery without it.

What a fascinating piece of prose from Dave Foley, who was obviously not a genius, but seemed to be very knowledgeable about moustaches though. Happy Birthday, Dead Guy!


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About The Author

Edward Ernest

Edward Ernest is pretty much the coolest guy that ever lived.......according to himself. He's one of the founders of Massivephobia.com and has zero respect from any of his colleagues. To the outside world, he's this very nice upstanding citizen, but behind closed doors he's one of the meanest people we know. Yes, he writes nice articles and gives good advice. It might even seem like he cares about you and wants to be your friend. But please, don't be fooled. We've seen him kick a dog a with a broken leg before and have heard him on the phone berating his grandmother for only giving him a $5 birthday gift. Be thankful he's not related to you.

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