Hairy Butts, Being Broke, & Other Things I’m Ashamed Of

Posted by Ellis | Nov 7, 2018 | Everything Ellis, Self Esteem | 0 |

Hey Everyone! It’s me! Ellis! And I’ve been watching a show on Netflix called Big Mouth, and it’s stupendous! I laugh all day long just thinking about it. However, there is a character on the show named The Shame Wizard, and he’s the crummiest person EVER! And sometimes he makes me want to cry because he brings up a lot of things I was or am ashamed of…like my hairy butt and crummy stuff like that. And I’m feeling really vulnerable right now just mentioning it and all.

Now I have to admit something to all of you. I wasn’t always as smooth and adorable as you think I am. There was a point in my life when I wasn’t comfortable in my own red circular skin because most of me was covered in hair, including my crumbutt. And I was always self-conscious about it all, and it made me feel really crummy, and I thought mean people were making fun of me when I went swimming and stuff too. So when a Groupon showed up in my email box for some cheap hair removal, I was super excited and signed up for as many as I could. Getting my hair removed made me feel less crummy about my body, but I still see myself as that hairy person every once in awhile, and it makes me feel like a phony and I feel crummy about it lots. Like how am I supposed to tell you not to feel shame about your body when I used technology to get rid of the shame of mine? What a crummington hypocritical pile of poop am I?

And to top it all off, I went into mega debt to do it too, and now I’ve been playing catch up, and I have no money to do anything anymore, and feel so crummily embarrassed about it. And now, when my friends call me to do stuff, I pretend I’m busy because I feel ashamed that I can’t do it because I’m really just broke times one thousand. And again, that’s all superficial crummy stuff, but yet the shame still has a massive hold on me.

Other things I feel ashamed of after watching Big Mouth, thanks to the Shame Wizard, are as follows:

Being A Hermit

Being Too Sensitive Sometimes aka A Lot

Waiting For The Right Person Instead Of Sleeping Around Because I Believe In True Love

Cold Sores

Listening To Audiobooks

Being An Alien

Are you guys ashamed of the same things? How about other things? Please make me feel less crummy and say yes. Is shame just a part of life that we have to deal with, or is it possible to live without shame? Are there people out there who have no shame, and if there are, what’s their secret?

I just Googled ‘famous people with no shame’ to see if I could get any inspiration and notes, and all the internet did was show me pictures of celebrities drunk on the street. Is that the internet’s attempt to shame them? Why is the internet like the Shame Wizard all the time? Can’t we just be nice to each other?

Now I’m in a shame ‘free fall’ the size of Crumtown, and I’m feeling ashamed that my article has lost its way and is looking like a a boat with no sail, just meandering in the sea. I mean, what’s this even about anymore. It’s amazing how quickly I can spiral out of control when I start talking about my insecurities. Wait……….

I know one person who lives without shame, and that’s the President of the United States, Donald Trump! He’s got no shame whatsoever……but he’s also the most crummy person I know too. Hmmmmmmmm……….So maybe living with a little bit of shame is a good thing when I think about it in those terms. At least I’m good to other people and don’t lie all the time, well, at least I don’t lie to others, just myself. But that’s a story for another time.

– Love, Ellis


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