I Hope This Just Isn’t The Bipolar Manicism Talking

Posted by Bobby Jenkins | Jun 15, 2018 | Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Bobby Jenkins: The Diary of a Bipolar Bear, Body Image, Identity | 0 |

Dearest Diary,

Is Positivity for sale?

So far I have my Antipsychotics, Ativan, weed, alcohol, and mdma. And green juice? And sushi!! I making a list of shit that makes me smize. 

Add friends and wrestling and I’m having a TIME ! I met a straight bear that loved gay bear’s attention- but will only sleep with men in couples. I’ve been looking for a female bear that’s into threesomes ever since. But alas, straights live for the ego boost and not the close. My harness would be wasted on him anyway. 

But there’s good news to all this rejection right? RIGHT DIARY!? I’ve made a list of why I’m HAPPY about rejection: 

– Inspiration to be my best self. Dress better, smell better, workout and get Beartox.

– Content: I’ve been uploading muuuch sluttier content to reintroduce myself to the market as VERY single

–  Social: I haven’t logged into Netflix in a dog’s age. I’ve been running around the city to every place a gay bear could be-from cafes, house parties to conferences screaming about how single I am and dressed slutty

– Arctic PRIDE is coming up and it’s my fest time being single! I’m getting Grindr the week before we’re inundated with out of town bears doused in glitter and jockstraps

– Experience: holy shit are there so many kinks I’ve never even dreamed of never mind heard of. I’ve had new types of sex with each bear I’ve hooked up with and I thought I’d seen it all- it makes me scared to settle down! What if I never try group sex.

What I don’t want: I’ve been triggered as fuck by the bears who don’t break eye contact with their phone/don’t shut off Grindr notifications on a date/ ask me to call them a faggot in bed… it just takes away from my “feeling desired” experience which I just realized is a total dealbreaker for me.

But then there’s the the self esteem conundrum, feat. Grindr. When I see my competition (younger, leaner, faker) I realize what landscape I’m up against now. It’s giving me anxiety- but also hope that maybe I, too, could sleep with them? But all the couples online make me doubt monogamy as an option after 2+ years of the same old bear. 

It’s been giving me so many stories though! From dick pics to terrible pick up lines and being choked to near-death- I never had this riveting of a social life when I was taken!

And in the absence of someone to Netflix & Chill with I’m revisiting self love. I feel like I was so overwhelmed with attention in my last relationship that I forgot I can give MYSELF attention (read: learn sexy dance moves and film them in jockstraps and mass send them to prospects for validation- coz fuck a nude when you have a dancing bear, right?)

And my friendships feel healthier than ever. I’m glad to glad to be single. Hope this isn’t just the manicism talking….

If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.

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