When you type into a search engine ‘fear of the phone’ or ‘afraid of the phone,’ every website that pops up tells you that you have a telephone phobia. The definition of this phobia is the reluctance or fear of making or taking phone calls and is considered a social phobia or anxiety. But this isn’t why I’m afraid of answering the phone, my reason is that I just don’t want to talk.
If you’re friends with me, you know not to call me. If you’re my family, you know not to call me, but since you’re my family, you still do, and it drives me crazy. And when I don’t answer the phone, it drives them crazy. It’s a lifelong battle that may never end.
All of my phone issues come from my childhood. I was the person in my family that was reliable, and I took on that role to survive. It was my identity. As I entered adulthood, my part stayed the same, and I’d always get the call to be a fixer of sorts, or to entertain others when they were bored. I was never good at saying I’m busy, and if I did, it wouldn’t be taken well, because they were used to the good-guy version of me. However, the good-guy version of me didn’t want that role anymore, and in response, I just wanted to be left alone. I want my quiet time more than others and bending to other people has become more difficult for me as the years have passed. Now I don’t like picking up the phone for anyone as I think of it as an invasion of my private space.
I have nothing against people. I don’t have a phobia. I’m not depressed. And I’m probably not busy.
I just don’t want to talk.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you. But for me, to be the best me possible, I need to be left alone for long periods of time. I know my limitations, and I hate it when people try to tell me otherwise.
Why can’t people understand that some of us just need to be alone?
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
Photo Credit: Nate Steiner