Judge Mental Jones: July 26th 2017

Posted by Judge Mental Jones | Jul 26, 2017 | Judge Mental Jones | 0 |

Dear Judge Mental Jones,

My daughter and I can’t stop fighting because she’s obsessed with her online profiles! She won’t make eye contact during conversations. She has melt downs when the internet has a bleep and she is constantly depressed because of someone “liking” or “following” or “Not liking”. I don’t understand.

The other day, she came home ecstatic. She had been recruited by a street agent to be a model – and she’s only 14!!! Essentially, this modelling would help her- in her mind- to become more popular at school and online. I have been doing everything to make her feel better, like movie nights and shopping sprees, but she is obsessed with her online attention!!! How can I get my daughter back to normal?

Dear Your Daughter Is Everything I Hate About Society And I Feel Really Bad For You And Then Some,

The tortures of having a teenage daughter. How predictable. Online lives have majorly overshadowed the emphasis we had on OFFLINE accomplishments growing up (like sports, owning a car, buying your first house) so these delusional little millenial brats have given up on real goals and become obsessed with borrowing a car to take a photo in front of, whether it’s leased or parked. There is even a medical term for what these lil’ narcissists have! It’s called Social Media Anxiety Disorder and these leaches at model agencies are poaching the youth that are drenched in the symptoms of SMAD now. If it was a REAL agency that was REPUTABLE, they wouldn’t have a fucking street team. They’d be batting off prospects like Bella Hadid does on the regular with the rest of male kind. 

Nine times out of ten, when you check these street-based recruitment modelling websites, they are actually CHARGING to take the pictures with no promise of a return. That’s because they are the broke ass Wolves of Wall Street that prey off of the anxieties of children in order to play to their fears. They’re like sharks in a fish tank – they feast off of the dumbass masses (only their egos blind them to the due diligence).

Your daughter is going through an important developmental stage and it’s important that you don’t let your little underdeveloped princess overpower your parenting with her 14-years of experience in making “good” decisions. You have to assert yourself to prevent major mishaps- regardless of her anxiety-ridden brain. however, you must do it in a way that makes her think that she’s the one in charge.

IF she really wants to go the route of re-branding – then give her a re-brand consultation for her birthday! Let them create a theme and hire a photographer and give her a food blog or something to focus on that will differentiate her from her Piranha-like peers that circle her Instagram all day checking her stats, coz they don’t have any jobs or “real” problems. Therapy could also do the trick. For you-not her.

You equally need to control yourself throughout these times to be the most productive source for her too. So be a good listener and do your best to understand what she’s going through. It’s a completely different day and age from when we were kids. Be a better mother instead of being a manic mother!


This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

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