If you want to be part our Massive Phobia Community and would like to share your very own Reframe of Reference story, please follow this link to learn all about how here🙂
I hate my landlord, like wow. I really hate this guy.
How can someone be both condescending and incompetent, and like both to the umpteenth degree? The most ludicrous nonsense comes out of his mouth and yet he still looks down on me like I am some half-wit degenerate that can’t make even the most basic sense out of life. It would be hilarious, like an obnoxious sitcom, a character you’d love to laugh at and eye-roll at. Except it’s my real life. Except that I can’t change the channel, and I have to navigate “fun” things like home renovations with an imbecile who lacks both common courtesy and common sense (both are highly prized skills in scheduling home repairs it turns out).
When something goes wrong at my place, I am always met with suspicion. Like I am both imagining there to be a problem and if it does turn out to exist it must be my fault. Coin toss as to whether it was my sheer idiocy or my desire to destroy the home I make mine (and clearly maintain to a higher standard then he does the rest of the building), not like things wear out and break and need repair?! When finally he deals with the problem at hand (whenever he damn well feels like it) the results are far from pleasing and rarely a sufficient fix. This is an understatement, but I can’t even crack that can of worms, or I am going to miss the whole point of this exercise.
And just the cherry on top of his giant shit Sunday? Well often when he is at the place, I get to hear his belittling and berating his sweet little daughter, his wife, or my lovely neighbor. Nothing but snarky tones from this somehow smug pathetic, worm (nothing against real worms) of a man. I can’t even begin to understand how one can be so diluted.
Ok, hate isn’t a word I like to direct at other people, so I strongly dislike my landlord, and I hate having to deal with him in any capacity. No amount of reframing can make him more pleasant or remotely competent, and I have given him ample opportunities to prove me otherwise. What I can do though is dig into my empathy and try to understand, and know that my version will be best guesses and an approximation of his real story.
I wonder if maybe he would be somewhere on the Asperger/Autism Spectrum, and or suffered some pretty severe bullying from peers throughout school. We have so much more understanding of neurological variance and the impact it has on children now, guessing from the age he must be I can only assume he had no such support. Growing up and feeling like an outsider is its own kind of trauma.
Nothing against anyone identifying on that spectrum, I know some upstanding individuals who do.
Nothing against the nerds and outcasts either, I’d count myself as part of that crowd too.
I can remind myself that I choose to put up with him because I love where I live. Once the cons outweigh the pros, I can pack up and go. Besides, I have also learned some ways to help me cope, got better at self-advocating and holding my ground, and I have some pretty funny stories!
While I will never know the truth of why my landlord is such an insufferable jerk, there are many sayings to the effect of “if you just knew the whole story you couldn’t hold it against them, you would understand why they are the way they are.”
Learn more about how to contribute your own Reframe of Reference story here🙂
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.
If you are battling mental health issues and feel that you need to talk, the people at BETTER HELP are trained therapists that are here to listen if you need someone’s ear. So don’t hesitate if you need to talk right now. CLICK HERE.