How I Learned To Self Love By Reading The Mastery Of Love

Posted by Amber Adams | May 24, 2018 | Relationships, Reviews, Self Esteem | 0 |

I recently got out of a relationship and felt the need to replace all of my new free time with other people  immediately, so I didn’t have to feel alone. After connecting with some terrible new suitors, I decided it was time to look within to figure out my issues, and that’s where The Mastery of Love entered the picture.

As I devoured the pages of the book, I quickly came to learn that I was suffering from a lack of self-love, not loneliness as I first thought. Although it felt like a breakthrough, it also indicated to me that there was a long road ahead. When I read, “Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret”, I wrote the quote on my whiteboard as it hit home with me, right to my core. Between mental illness, losing a best friend/partner and struggling to maintain normalcy with friends, work, and family – I needed to hear this.

After that quote, I was at the mercy of the author, Don Miguel Ruiz, and was willing to listen to everything he had to say. In Mastery of Love, he shares ancient Toltec Knowledge on how to overcome our hangups, so we can learn to love ourselves again, and ultimately, get the love that we deserve.

Ruiz says that all relationships start with you, and how you feel about yourself. You will allow just as much abuse and what he calls, “emotional poison” as you inflict upon yourself. This couldn’t be truer in my case. I’m always hard on myself, and therefore I completely understood when my Ex was hard on me. I battle mental illness and felt obligated to take the feedback and act on it under the guise of fear. Which led me to the quote “Love has no obligations. Fear is full of obligations.” All of a sudden this book started talking to me as if it knew me. I questioned all my actions and began to look at all my fears. You mean? I don’t have to take all my friends’ calls on speaker phone like my Ex would force me to? Or share my texts when they came in? I feared losing my Ex, so I obliged to prove I was trustworthy, but now I could finally see what was really going on.

As humans, we look to others to provide love when we have all the love we could possibly want inside us already. Or as Ruiz puts it “Perfection doesn’t exist. Happiness does not exist. They can only exist if you create it.” And that’s how I learned that I was creating a bar to live up to and that bar was based solely on my PERCEPTION. If I wanted to, I could alter that perception and become happy or feel perfect in imperfect times by looking within. It’s funny how such a simple change of angle made feel so damn powerful.

Another interesting anecdote that radically changed me was the notion of ‘what is the right partner?’ Ruiz says that it’s when someone wants to go in the same direction as you do, who is compatible with your views and your values — emotionally, physically, economically, and spiritually. That’s the perfect and clearest benchmark I’ve ever found, and it’s something I will follow until I eventually find it. No more settling for me.

I could go on and on with examples on how The Mastery of Love changed my life, like The Magical Kitchen Chapter, but you get the drift on how life changing The Mastery of Love was to me and that I highly recommend you read The Mastery of Love if you want to treat yourself with respect and give yourself the self-love you deserve.


If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.


 This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

Photo Credit: Sharona Gott


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