Local Alcoholic Possesses Incredible Ability to Smell Enabling Personalities From Afar

Posted by Jayne Kitchen | Dec 3, 2017 | Fake News, News | 0 |

Local addict Wayne Richardson has been discovered to possess a gene that had gone previously undetected by modern medicine that allows him to smell personalities that are predisposed to enable his alcoholism from a distance of up to 20 meters. He first discovered the gene when he was lounging at his local watering hole, and his nose began to twitch when his girlfriend approached him.

Richardson retold the story, stating that “it was like something out of one of those science fiction movies! My whole face started moving when Terri got close to me! And I smelled something real beautiful, like fresh laundry and paradise. Then my best friend Rod walked in, and I smelled the exact same thing! I knew that it had something to do with different people because when my landlord came in, I almost threw up it smelled so bad.”

Although it is well known that addicts possess a brain structure slightly different to those of an average neurotypical person, it has been unknown to science up until now that addiction can also heighten a sense of smell. Dr. Pink Bugati of the neuroscience department at the University of Rhode Island commented on the recent discovery and the contribution that Richardson’s unique case has been to the addiction-science community.

“Richardson’s common circumstances and incredible sense of smell has been of the utmost importance to bringing forward other cases of transpersonality sense experiences across the globe. Since he unwittingly came forward after a routine pharmaceutical visit to the emergency room, another case has arisen with a cocaine-addicted woman who could heat-sensor large quantities of cash in 80 dollar increments. Unusually, these increments became slightly smaller depending on if she was flirting with the guy or not.”

Richardson has since retreated into nasal obscurity accompanied by his girlfriend Terri, who he says still smells like laundry and paradise whether he spends all her paycheck or not.


This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

Photo Credit: Daveynin

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