Manicism Is A VR Trip

Posted by Bobby Jenkins | May 30, 2018 | Bipolar Disorder, Bobby Jenkins: The Diary of a Bipolar Bear, Identity | 0 |

Dear Diary,

I am drunk happy lately. I’ve restarted my lithium and it’s (hopefully) rising by the day.

I’ve become obsessed with working out since my last manic fit. Which makes sense, because he said when people are manic we tend to work out because it something we can control. It’s helped me displace my abundance of energy during this latest mixed episode.

I’ve been incredibly healthier lately. But last week I was a little off kilter. I went to a bar where I showed the bartender 30 nudes in an album coz I felt they were under appreciated. Logical. 

I later slept with him.

Then I sent those same nudes to my ex Javier in hopes of sleeping with him too. 

I was a notch away from propositioning my doctor because I mistook him giving me a lot of attention but I didn’t realize it was because of his manic and he was wondering if he should sedate me.

I cleaned the whole house, did all the laundry, meal prep and became incredibly promiscuous.

Manicism is a trip. When it’s happening you know it’s happening because I can’t focus and I get pressured speech and  I’m making crazy choices that I might not make before – but you still get the impression that you’re under control. And that illusion is what drives the decision-making, and you don’t realize until later (like showing 30 nudes to a stranger) how unusual your behavior really is.

But looking back I am just grateful that I didn’t try to contact Robert again. He posted that some young hot guy ghosted him on his Facebook status. So I’m pretty sure he was seeing someone else?

I also sent all my friends pink slips telling them that if they didn’t step up their game and make a better effort to see me that I didn’t want to be in their lives anymore. It all started from a group text of “let’s grab brunch”. No one replied for one hour. I sent “At least fucking reply” in a private text to each of them. And now it’s so awkward because it’s documented that I was so irrational. I had to field so many embarrassing and self-righteous calls later that day. Fuck.

So I can liken being manic to someone taking over my body and that of me waking up and hearing about it. My life feels like a simulation or as though I was in a VR experience and when I took off the headset, there were real consequences. 

Then when I flip to normalcy I overcompensate with aggressive apologies and effort to be kind. My doctor says I’m at least three weeks away from the Lithium kicking in again. My levels were so low he asked if I had just stopped taking it. But I scored more Ativan at my last (high energy) appointment so it’s not all bad!


 LITTLE KNOWN FACT

The first iteration of Virtual Reality was a flop all over the world and was doomed for the FAD shelf until it took hold in the Arctic due to the cold climate. Every Polar Bear was sitting on their ice shelf with their own VR glasses and playing the lifestyle game ‘Hanging on a Sunny Beach.’ Due to the hardcore fans in the Arctic region, the VR companies were able to keep their heads above water financially and build the massive breakthroughs that you see today. 


If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.



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