Microsoft Paint: Antiquated Art Anxiety Disorder

Posted by Christie Szymanowski | Sep 25, 2017 | Fake News, News, Social Media Anxiety Disorder of the Week | 0 |

Microsoft Paint will be taking its final bow on Windows 10 as Microsoft announces its plan to pull the semi-useless tool after thirty-two years. Twitter, in particular, took the news hard, and users posted their best Paint pictures for the world to see. We reached out to some of them to ask why they were so upset about the death of the rarely-used program.

“It’s been there for me as long as I can remember,” said internet user Mike Masters. “Control plus print-screen, open Paint, control plus V, crop out what you don’t want. Save. Voila. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Get Photoshop? Gimp? I’m not a fucking artist! I just want to edit out the fact that I have four tabs open to PornHub.”

“Paint’s been a thing for my entire life,” said Jenna Pitzel, who remembers getting her first family computer in 1996. “I feel like I was finally starting to get the hang of how you’re actually supposed to use it, and now they’re taking it away? The average laptop dies after, like, three years, so my days of getting to use this incredible program are numbered. What am I going to do when I get a new computer?”

Psychologist Brenda Freidman disagreed with the general consensus that Paint will be a great loss. “I mean, it’s kind of the Twinkie thing. You had people who hadn’t eaten a Twinkie in fifteen years suddenly freaking out because they could no longer have the option of eating a Twinkie. People will no longer have the option of using Paint… not that they were using it in the first place.”

Friedman has dubbed people’s dismay at losing Paint “Antiquated Art Anxiety Disorder,” and says it will likely last for a couple of weeks before dying down. 

“People don’t use Paint,” she said. “It’s a horrible program. Always has been. They’ll get over it.”

But Twitter users disagree.

“I had so much fun drawing a giant squiggly line and just filling it in,” said Mandy Forester. “Kids these days will never understand what we did back when we had dial-up. People think we played outside! Nah. Microsoft Paint and Minesweeper all the way.”

Microsoft historian Terry Novak says the move will usher in the end of an era. “Beautiful and horrible things have been created with Microsoft Paint. Sure, a lot of it was just kids scribbling to pass the time, but you’ve also got stick figure drawings, randomly colored ovals and rectangles, and disturbing Sonic the Hedgehog fan art. Paint’s only limitation was figuring out how to utilize its shitty platform.”

“It’s all about supply and demand,” said self-proclaimed expert hacker ElGreco, who refused to give us his real name for anonymity’s sake. “What happens when you make drugs illegal? People still do drugs. Prohibition wasn’t effective. Well, getting rid of Paint is essentially the same thing.”

When he was reminded that Paint will still be legal, just discontinued, he ignored our question and said, “I can see Paint downloads happening on the deep web, for sure. You’ll have Paint torrents going on Demonoid. I’d suggest getting into that business right away.”

Pitzel vowed to fight for the program to her dying breath. “Microsoft Paint will not go gently.”


If you or a loved one you know battles with Social Anxiety or any other Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.


This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

Photo Credit: netnavi20x5

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