Dear Judge Mental Jones,
My mom can say some really out of line nasty shit to me sometimes. When I get mad, or block her, she becomes apologetic. If I don’t accept the apology, she reverts back to screaming and blaming. If I don’t respond she claims that she’s in a “dark space” in her head and is having “suicidal thoughts.”
I just want the space to be able to protect myself from her harshness and mood swings sometimes, and I have the right to be mad when she attacks me. How can I manage this?
Dear My Mom Has Mental Health Issues Or Is A Terrible Person But Most Likely Both,
Usually, I try and play the Devil’s advocate and give a response that offers both sides of the coin. However, this one will only get the asshole in me to come out and play…..Ahem…..Here we go….
Block her motherfuckin ass. Her job was to keep you alive until you got a job, and that work’s been done. Too often, we accept abuse from dumbass toxic parents, abuse we wouldn’t take from anyone else. We make excuses because we share a DNA pool and a couple of decades where we didn’t even get to pick which type of fucked up human (are there normal parents?) would raise us.
We can all find something to complain about from our youth. But AFTER!? That’s a YOU problem. YOU need to pull it together and realize that unless you set boundaries and consequences, your dumbass mom will keep gaslighting you.
She likely has a mood disorder or a raging insecurity that prevents her from speaking to a seasoned professional. Suicidal/dark spaces are meant for professionals. Tell her to find one if she wants to keep you in her life- coz that’s not a YOU problem, it’s a chemical problem. And if you’re the only person she can reach out to – then I think that says a lot about her social skills.
Most likely, your mom is a product of her parents, who were a product their parents and she’s just re-dramatizing all that she knows. All I can say is, take care of yourself first and if you start noticing that you’re acting like her one day, please do something about it. Take pattern breaking classes like the Hoffman Process. Your future children will thank me for it.
xo Judge Mental Jones
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
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