Moving, Clinginess, and Wolf Pepper Spray

Posted by Bobby Jenkins | Mar 14, 2018 | Bobby Jenkins: The Diary of a Bipolar Bear | 0 |

Dear Diary,

Moving has me SHOOK, Diary. It’s been emotionally, physically and financially taxing as fuck. There’s finding a place, movers, roommates (not even soulmate roommates, just ones that don’t talk, really…) and then fitting your stuff into the room you end up with. Then the stress of it all when nothing goes to plan…

It really hit me that I have mental illness when they said “how much furniture do you have” and I said “bed”. Yep, I’m a little old for that answer, but I’ve barely been able to stay anywhere for a year for all great reasons. The crack house, the frat house, the homophobic landlord, the rub-and-tug entrepreneur, the violent roommate… it’s been nothin’ but the hits. 

This time, I was relieved. It’s a big space, right downtown Anchorage and I have a normal gay roommate. What could go wrong?

So day 1 when the moving truck was parked outside and all the crackbears flocked to steal and bargain shit off the back of the truck – I realized I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. Then I went to buy a light Wolf Pepper Spray so I don’t need to break my nails fighting, like in the wild. The girl said Wolf Spray ain’t shit and that I need TIGER Spray for these crazies. That’s when I knew this neighbourhood wasn’t a drill. So, I might take a break from wearing the harness- at least until I secure the Tiger Spray.

And my roommate? OMFG. Within minutes he found and added me on every social medium, was sending me events I confirmed on Facebook with the messages “I’m coming!!” And added every gay that was tagged on my Instagram. 

He’s a Spectacled Bear named Andy and when he shook my hand hello, he said “don’t worry I have a great body and I never wear a shirt.” Oh good, coz I was “worried”…

Then, our first morning as roommates, I was half asleep sipping coffee when he yelled “GOOD MORNING!!” through his closed bedroom door and then came barrelling out screaming LOOK!!!! And showed me this OUTRAGEOUS swinging dick pic he just got. I spit my coffee out.

He followed me to the living room asking rapid fire questions like “What are you work hours, what’s your Friday like, do you want to get a Jacuzzi? I’m ordering better Internet for $200 a month. Should we buy a Rombus Vaccuum? I have no money til payday. Can I borrow $5” I answered NONE of these questions. Maybe he’s on the drugs?? Then when he asked if I would “mind group sex” in the home and I was like WTF are you talking about!? I started to get the fight or flight instinct I’ve suppressed through strategic valium doses. (I chose flight) 

Last week I was mad a dude asked me if I was medicated on our fist date. This week I’m pissed off about dick pics and group sex. My cortisol feels like cocaine right now. My thoughts are sped up and more unclear than ever.  


Wolf Pepper Spray was invented by the endangered Red Bears from the deep woods of Southern California. Red Bears are much smaller than regular bears and are preyed upon by giant local wolves. Legend has it that a young Red Bear wearing a hood, fended off a Big Bad Wolf on her way to her grandmothers home by squeezing jalapeño pepper juice into its eyes, and thus, Wolf Pepper Spray was born. Even though they are endangered, the Red Bears of Southern California are now one of the wealthiest group of bears in the whole world per capita.

If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.

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