If you’re reading this, then like me (the world’s foremost narcissist expert) you’re uber concerned by the culture of extreme narcissism that’s taking over every fabric of society. Not just here in America either, it’s even happening in places like Tibet too, and they’re Monks and shit there. This is a full-blown epidemic, so we must start at square one and look at how these narcissists have been created, as not every narcissist is born like many “psychiatrists” like Anthony Robbins have thought. In fact, about 90% percent of all the worlds current narcissists were created when social media began to infiltrate every corner of the earth just like everyone’s least favorite rodent…..The Rat.
And these Rats began their journey with the rise of Facebook. Which leads me to believe that the only way to win the upcoming war against the narcissist apocalypse is by murdering the Rat Bastard Mark Zuckerberg( by stabbing in the face with my cool new pocket knife that I bought on Amazon for only $2.50 with free shipping because I subscribe to Amazon Prime). And when I do that, his little social media narcissist making empire will become nothing more than a footnote in the history of the internet and mankind.
I know you’re probably wondering how much I hate Mark Zuckerberg, so here’s a list of ten reasons I made the other day when I was in the handicapped bathroom at Barnes and Noble because that’s where I do my best thinking.
1) I hate his face soooooooo much! And so did every kid he ever went to school with too. He said he got bullied because of his despicable looking face, but that was a lie. He fully deserved his weekly beatings as he taunted other kids about being smarter than them when playing Risk and Settlers of Catan. It seems he always sucked hard and wanted to take over the world. What a douche! People never change.
2) He loves having followers like if he was some type of Charles Manson like cult leader, but instead of killing people with knives, he gets people to stab others in the back with rude comments on other peoples pictures and thoughts. He encourages it all and does nothing about it as long as these sick people recruited more sick people into this disgusting troll like lifestyle.
3) He sold all my information to dating sites and whenever I’m on the stupid ‘Facebook’ because my mom for some reason messages me there even though I tell her not to because I hate Zuckerberg so much, that all I get are ads to marry women in Russia and the Philippines. What the fuck is that about? And no, it’s not because I surf porn. So stop spreading that rumor, Danny!!! You dick.
4) I bet his pubes are orange and that just grosses me out.
5) All of my friends don’t even like talking anymore because they’re always on their phones and taking pictures of themselves. This even happens when we’re at the movies when I’m trying to watch ‘The Avengers’ in peace. And then one of my friends, Danny, checks his Instagram to see how many likes he got from his stupid picture of him eating popcorn and the light from the phone nearly blinded me while wearing my 3D glasses. Needless to say, I punched Danny, and his face exploded, and it’s all your fucking fault you Dracula fucking prick.
6) He bought the Oculus Rift, and I know he’s now trying to build The Matrix but in real life. He didn’t have enough power before; now he wants everyone hooked into a virtual portal, so they stop living real lives? Then they’ll probably try and change the way they look instead of being themselves through digital avatars too. FYI, Zuckerberg should totes change the way he looks because he’s a gross robot narcissist.
7) He’s Jewish. (I’m allowed to say this because I’m Jewish and he just gives Jewish people a bad name. Also, if I said, he’s Jewish without any context on any of his social media platforms, I’d probably be banned for hate speech, as this narcissist and his followers love to censor people even though people are allowed their own beliefs in real life, even if they suck.)
8) In 2009, Zuckerberg pretended to care about China so they wouldn’t block Facebook, but it was so obvious that he just wanted to make more Narcissists and China wouldn’t let him in and he groveled like a big baby. But China saw through that act because they’re huge into human rights and was like, sorry bud, make more of those stupid videos to convince us all you want, it ain’t happening, even if you marry a Chinese lady. And then he did marry a Chinese lady! Pure Evil!
9) This one takes the cake. This asshole tried to tear to tear down four houses in and around his home in Palo Alto home because he wanted PRIVACY!!!!! First! How big of a narcissist does one have to be to think people want to take pictures of his naked ass while he skinny dips at night. BARF! Second, what a hypocrite!!!!! Privacy! You’re the biggest invader of privacy this world has ever seen! I’m so angry now just typing this. I’m gonna kill you so hard that your freckles turn into Tang.
10) He secretly feasts on Arby’s and tells the world he’s vegan. Fuck him. Just admit it. Arby’s fucking rules.
So I know that was a lot of true information to read and it may take you a long time to digest everything. But I bet you’re still wondering what killing Mark Zuckerberg will accomplish, and that’s a great question so thanks for asking.
So as I’ve previously stated in other posts, Narcissists are a lot like Vampires and follow the same type of rules. Now, if you’re a student of Vampire lore, you know that in the classic film The Lost Boys, starring the Two Coreys, that the only way to save the vampires that were bitten by other vampires, is to kill the head vampire.
Make sense? Need another example?
In the film ‘Fright Night,’ when the Bill Cosby of vampire neighbors violates the heroes girlfriend by turning her into a vampire, like she was on some crazy drug, he’s able to save her by nailing a stake right through his heart and freeing her from his disgusting spell.
Got it now? Good!
So based on these docudrama reality films, I will go to Facebook Headquarters in Silicon Valley, which will be very dangerous as every nerd there is a massive Narcissist, and I will infiltrate the compound with the help of a deadly hand-selected crew of mercenaries. I will then kill Mark Zuckerberg for good, ending the apocalypse and freeing the souls of every non-born Narcissist all over the world. And everything will be pretty cool again.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.