Out of Order Handicapped Bathroom at an Office Building Causes Mental Health Symptom Outbreak

Posted by Edward Ernest | Sep 28, 2017 | Fake News, News | 0 |

On Tuesday, at an office building in Newark, New Jersey, the only handicapped bathroom on the 7th-floor shutdown due to extreme plumbing issues. The aftermath of the still ongoing crisis seems to have caused Mental Health Symptoms in many of the employees, as their only place of sanctuary during their long and monotonous days has now been destroyed by a tsunami of natural disasters.

Stan O’Reilly, a Data Input Specialist on the 4th floor, has been suffering from anxiety, irritability, excessive sweating, and spontaneous crying since the Out of Order sign was placed on the handicapped bathroom door. “I’ve got a wife. Three ungrateful kids, but I love them, and a 35-year mortgage. I work hard at my job every day, and all I ask is for some peace and quiet to collect my thoughts. I don’t want to use the regular bathroom and hear someone else busting a vein in their head trying to get the turtle out of its shell. I want to daydream about playing ball as a 37-year-old rookie superstar for the Yankees and pretend that I hit the game-winning home run in the bottom of the 9th, of Game 7, to win the World Series. But now that’s all gone, and I don’t know if it’s ever coming back and quite frankly, I’m scared. I need those ten-minute breaks. I can’t cope without them. I just cry now.”

Stan O’Reilly isn’t the only one that says he can’t cope, as everyone that works in the customer service department for the telecommunications company, Sprint, is having a complete and utter nervous breakdown. A Sprint Corporation Headquarters representative had this to say on behalf of their 8th-floor employees. “Our customer service representatives are the backbone of our prestigious company. They are constantly on the receiving end of phone calls personally berating them for the lack of proper wireless coverage and poor reception across the Sprint Network; the number 5th ranked wireless company in the United States, just narrowly behind MetroPCS. We here at the Sprint Family feel the loss of the Handicapped Bathroom for our 8th-floor employees and understand the mental health issues that they must be going through. We know this because, without the Handicapped Bathroom at Sprint Head Office, many of our under-appreciated employees would have suffered the same type of nervous breakdowns and most likely would have quit, or in some instances, they would have been fired if it seriously interfered with their productivity. Our thoughts and prayers are with all our 8th-floor employees. Godspeed.”

Not everyone was upset about the shuttering door of the Handicapped Bathroom as paraplegic Jennifer Crown, an Independent Accountant on Floor Three, was quite thrilled with the effects of this current natural disaster. “That bathroom was built for people like me, and every day I tried to use it, but no, there’s some non-handicapped person inside, sometimes not even going to the bathroom but just playing stupid games on their Android phones. Meanwhile, I have to go all the way down the street to a way nicer building that has multiple handicapped bathrooms just so I have a better chance of getting into one, but even that’s not a guarantee. So no, I’m not upset that one of these assholes, who are now crying over their mental health problems, ate P.F. Chang’s, McDonald’s, most likely some AMC Movie Popcorn, which is the worst, Popeye’s, and some other shit and barf-inducing piece of non-food that plugged the handicapped bathroom pipes up for days. I hear whoever did it, also used those brown towels to wipe their ass and we all know those towels are for your hands. So yeah, let them suffer, just like I do every single day.”

Jennifer Crown has all the right to be bitter. However, this situation is serious and still ongoing. For those wishing to donate to those affected by the Handicapped Bathroom Shutdown, you can purchase them talk time at the online counseling service, BetterHelp.com.


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This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

Photo Credit: Jess Johnson

 

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