Progress makes perfect. I hate the word practice Diary, it gives me PTSD of my soccer days. I was always too fat for soccer. But I don’t give a fuck anymore because I’m not too fat for dating soooo 🙂
After a long night of dancing with Kyle- in my drunkest state- I bumped into Lee’s best friend, Nick. The day before Lee’s party (that I’m not invited to). I’d recognize this ugly bear anywhere – plus he just showed up on “unfollow” app so I was CRYSTAL CLEAR who this Nic guy was. I’m actually pretty sure they’re dating now (according to Insta)?? But all the liquor in the World couldn’t stop me from dancing to Get Lucky by Daft Punk when it came on. Bless that song!
Plus I was unbothered- I wanted Nick to see me glimmering in the flesh with my fresh vogue dance moves in sync with Kyle. I’m no Bearonce but I’m pretty fucking close. And I knew I had to stay hydrated and not get a black eye for my NEW prospect Robert. She can have Lee- hope she knocks herself out on that half ass sex two-tops and no-bottom harness-hating ugly ass insecure bear that I am so. totally. over.
So me and Kyle left the club early in exchange for 4AM burritos and beating the Bl’uber surge charging. I’m so fucking responsible now!!! (*chewing 3 tylenols to ease the pain)
My date with Robert was amazinggg. I’m living for the flirting. He was dressed to the maxx and I was serving ball cap lewks- shit. Definitely wearing a choker next time…
I tried to take him home a second time after his cute ass was being so charming and ya- no. Again. He literally won’t sleep with me (!?) but constantly talks about how he “has a crush” on me…. I can’t figure it out. I’ve tried uploading pics with other bears and he’s the FIRST to watch my stories – but it doesn’t provoke him. Should I send a full nude? Maybe next time I’m manic so I have a good reason. But he’s leaving me now for a week so I have to plan my “kills” (read: sleep with many people) before he gets back so I can act like I was waiting home like a war wife. Sew my wild oats/ho’ing in peace.
Meanwhile my sister rented a cottage with my mom. When my mom invited me that bitch ass lil bitch said she didn’t want me there “manic’ing” out. BITCH IM ON MEDS THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE FOR. Then she said my yelling “what she was talking about” so I’ve fully not spoken to my sister for a week now and I keep thinking “Am I still crazy? Am I slutty? Are these meds working”? I feel like my reality is still jilted. It’s hard to conjure up focus or perspective- so I feel like it’s me? Or people aren’t owning they’re shit? Tough to say.
If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.