In January 2017, we interviewed someone that battled ADHD whom we found on the website, Reddit. The person didn’t just battle ADHD but General Anxiety Disorder as well. We talked on the phone about our concept for The ADHD Photographer Blog, and we all seemed to be on the same page. However, once the deadline for the rough draft was to be handed in, our new staff member, we’ll call Kay, disappeared, never returned our emails, and even stopped using their Reddit account. So what happened to our Reddit ADHD Photographer? Below is our best guess.
I had a POSITIVELY FANTASTIC MEETING with Edward from Massive Phobia and felt invigorated because I had so many stories to share. It was the first time I felt strong since ADHD diagnosis, and I wanted to tell my friends and family about what I was going to be working on, especially my parents because I’m the black sheep of the family and I’ve felt like I was an embarrassment to them.
Over the next few days, I started writing out bullet points from different stories from my memory bank, hoping to find the perfect starting point. Eventually, I whittled it down to a top three and had a little bit of trouble picking which one to do. So instead of trying to pick one, I decided to write out all three.
On the 4th day, when I hit a wall with one of the three, I’d move to the next one, and I’d continue with this type of cycle until I was stuck on each one and my storytelling wasn’t improving. I didn’t want to hand in a giant mess that needed massive amounts of editing because I wanted this so job badly. I felt that maybe I should take a little bit of a break and watch Netflix, so I watched some Anime, specifically Deathnote. There was something about lying down and watching TV at that time of the day that made me sleepy, and I dozed off to sleep and didn’t wake up until the middle of the night. I started feeling nervous about not finishing as Edward wanted to see a draft by the next day; however, I knew whatever work I’d do that night just wouldn’t be good. I still felt so tired, so I went back to bed.
When I got up the next day, I felt refreshed but no new ideas about how to fix my article problems came to mind. I started feeling nervous and needed to take an Ativan. While I was waiting for it to kick in, I started watching more Anime, but this time, I started to really kick myself about not finishing my work. I don’t think my Ativan dosage was working but didn’t want to take more. I hoped that maybe watching TV would ease my mind and give me the calm needed to finish, but it did the opposite.
Later in the day, as I was already reeling, I received an email from Edward, asking about my progress, and just the sight of his name in my email made my heart drop. I felt ashamed for not having my work done as promised. For that last 4 days, instead of working on one thing, I tried to multi-task, pulling from one idea to the other, and then I just pretty much watched TV. I was so scared of the email that I just ignored it and hoped it would go away. When Edward emailed me again the next day, just to see if I was ok, I felt like I had already screwed up to the point of no return and the easiest thing to do was to keep my form of not responding.
Somehow, it popped into my brain, that maybe if I erase my Reddit account, he’ll think that something serious with my mental health might have happened beyond my ADHD. So if he goes and checks my account to email me there, he’ll let it go because he’ll know I must be in a pretty bad mental situation and Edward will know to let sleeping dogs lie. So that’s what I did.
Now I had to make a new Reddit account name and earn new Karma points. And I had like 300, so it sucks that this happened in a big way.
And that’s what we think happened. Well, it’s our best guess…….
If you or a loved one you know is showing signs of a Mental Health Disorder, whether it be Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Addiction, Body Dysmorphia etc., or maybe you just need someone to talk to, please do get the help you need. If you feel like you need to talk to someone right now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
Photo Credit: Bea Represa