This week’s Reframe of Reference comes from one of our community members and courageous soul, Joanna D.
When you’re a child of a parent that leaves the family, it will leave a child or children feeling sad and eventually angry. The effects are different for everyone and for some, they are long lasting in whatever form they manifest into. If this sounds like you, we hope you enjoy Joanna’s words as we did.
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When I was three years old, my parents got a divorce, and my mom gave custody of me to my Dad as she moved across the country with her new boyfriend. Sometimes I feel like maybe it would have been better if she had just died, then to receive phone calls once every month asking how I was doing. Later, my dad married a woman, and now I have two brothers, but I didn’t interact with them much. I just stayed in my room and cried a lot. It’s like I lived with strangers my whole life as I only have few memories of doing anything fun with them. I barely remember my youngest brother as if he didn’t even exist in my life. All of this makes me sad and angry, and now I have trouble letting people in because I’ve shutting people out for so long.
At the age of three years old, after my parents got divorced and my mom moved across the country, my dad made sure I felt loved by him by bringing me stickers home every day. He remarried a woman who I call mom, and she calls me every day to make sure I’m doing okay, and I know that she loves me very much. Even though I hid in my room a lot, my youngest brother tells me his memories of me, which are very few, but they all had to do with him being sad or hurt, and when he needed someone to make him feel safe, he chose to be around me. Hearing those words makes me feel like I’m worthy of being loved, as I felt like I was not for my whole life. I missed out on a lot of family time by dwelling on the one person that left instead of feeling the love of those who didn’t. And now I’m excited to get to know them again and others for the first time.
If you are battling mental health issues and feel that you need to talk, the people at BETTER HELP are trained therapists that are here to listen if you need someone’s ear. So don’t hesitate if you need to talk right now. CLICK HERE.
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