This weeks Reframe of Reference comes from Lauren N. and it’s a story of growing up with emotional scars from an abusive home and the PTSD that follows with it all. It’s a reminder that even the weather can trigger PTSD in people and that your body still holds or carries so much of our pain. We thank Lauren N. for her contribution today.
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The winter reminds me of terrible things. The cries of my dog when my mother had too much to drink and she let him out of the house and wouldn’t let him back in. I cried in my room, knowing that she would eventually come for me. Knowing how cold it was outside and that throwing me out and locking the door would cause me to feel pain. She never would hit me, but she’d call me names, and drag me outside. Whenever someone would ask what was going on, she’d lie and say I was being bad and this was my punishment and the neighbors would leave her alone. The only scars that were left on me were mental. I hate the winter. When the seasons change, I feel it in my bones, so much so that I’ve moved to a place that’s warm all year round. It’s hard to shake the past when your body still feels everything like it was yesterday and you’re still a scared little girl with nothing but a flimsy coat to keep you warm.
The winter is my battleground. All year, I workout mentally and physically getting ready for the winter season and the environment that is created. I sharpen my awareness skills and become ready for what the world has to give me. Being prepared for winter has made me become adaptable, as I’ve seen the worst in people and the weather, and I know that anyone can be capable of anything, even to the ones they love.
I’ve become prepared in the art of talk and listening. It’s not that I don’t trust people, I do trust people, but I’m so aware of how people tick that I see things that others don’t and can shift before they even know they are shifting. I can meet them in places before problems start, before their winter coldness begins.
I may have moved to a warmer climate to get away from the winter, but the coldness is still unescapable. I just know how to manage it, to be in front of it, so it won’t trigger me like it used to. I don’t always succeed in doing so, but it just becomes something for me to learn, another exercise for me to get physically and mentally fit for next season. There’s always a next season and there’s always more wins than losses.
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