How Do I Set Boundaries With My Violent Brother?

Posted by Judge Mental Jones | Mar 3, 2018 | Judge Mental Jones | 0 |

Dear Judge Mental Jones,

My brother is dangerous but I have to see him at family occasions. When I lived there, he had frequent violent outbursts, So bad that I had to move out. Sometimes he is depressed and we don’t see him leave his room for 3 months, other times he doesn’t sleep for weeks. He has thrown my dog, whipped a chair at me and threw a lawn gnome as I was pulling my car out- and it shattered half my windshield. I don’t want to see him anymore if he doesn’t get help and my parents insist we are going against family loyalty and our Italian culture. So I can’t see them without him- ever! And he’s 22! How can I set that boundary?

Dear Boundary Setting Sister,

Your delusional parents are enabling these ratchet ass behaviors. The fact that your parents are prioritizing him over your safety and wellbeing is confusing and irresponsible. They’re enabling his behavior to persist without consequences. It also sounds like he has untreated mental health issues, so a lack of diagnosis could propel this dangerous bother of yours into a downward spiral of hurting others, and maybe even them. As naive as they want to be too mental health- it’s putting someone with no self-control in a position to wreak inconsequential havoc until it becomes a police issue.

SO you need to create consequences – for them and him. If you are in physical danger when he sees you and they’re so idiotic that they can’t fucking grasp why you wouldn’t want to see them without him- then let them know they’ve made their choice!!! This douchebag is not a toddler. He can easily take care of himself at 22 and be left alone. And if they don’t agree to that, then they can be left alone too. If they want to see you, they can come to you. Don’t go there anymore. It’s the choice you have to make. As much as it will hurt, you have to do it. Only actions like this can set things into motion for change.

Good Luck!

xo Judge Mental Jones


If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.


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