Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired
After living in my house for 8 years, I felt I needed a change of scenery as my life just wasn’t headed in the right direction. It was the first and only house that I’ve ever owned and I was never comfortable as a home owner. It just never felt like ME. Buying it just seemed like the right thing to do if that makes sense to you.
For most of those 8 years (After I broke out of my comfort zone), my home became a party. I do not regret it at all as I truly believe in the old saying ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ However, it may have taken years off my life and all parties must come to an end.
In the last year at my house, my old health issue (constantly having the urge to pee, even though I did not, was recurring quite frequently), my drug dependence got even further out of hand, I became depressed to a level that I’ve never been before (suicidal thoughts for awhile), my weight ballooned to 195 pounds, and in my final week, I could feel my heart (combined with shooting pains in my arms and feet even though I hadn’t done drugs in a few weeks). So to say I was in the proverbial shitter would be an understatement.
On top of these ailments, I had many ideas on how to build this website but was having many stops and starts. I was just incapable with my whole state of being. Plus, I had that little shit of a devil on my shoulder come in with a case of the DOUBTS. Honestly, fuck that guy……….. Now that you kinda have the picture of how I was feeling and/or living, let’s get back to the day after I moved out my house.
Leaving the house felt cathartic. It felt like I could start a new chapter of my life. The house held all of my demons and I was now exorcising them. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and by god I was finally going to conquer this thing.
The first thing I wanted was to be accountable to myself. The only thing I could think of was to buy a
Fitbit Charge 2 and thank goodness I did. I can’t tell you how much the Fitbit helped me and it’s one of those devices that is useful as long as you use it. I was dedicated this time and I knew I’d use it to the best of my ability.
So I picked up the Fitbit and walked home to my temporary living space from work that day. When I got there, I did push ups and sit ups. I could barely do 10 push-ups and 10 sit ups. I had the upper body strength of a 70 year old man. AMAZING! And then I walked across the street to a track. I couldn’t tell you the last time I tried to run around a track and it showed. It may have been the saddest thing you’ve ever seen. I probably looked like a wounded bear. A hobbled 40 year old man, huffing and puffing like I had asthma and I had only gotten half way. Half way! I willed myself through the second half and even though I made it around once, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with my performance. In fact, I’ve never felt so pathetic in all my life. However, I told myself ‘you only have one way to go and that’s up.’
Remember all those cliches that you hated? Well, I started to using them. Why? Because they’re actually true it seems. Wait for the next one………Ready?……Then I vowed to take it ‘one day at a time.’ Honestly, who did I just become? Fuck me!
A massive mental block for me is wanting to go from A-Z right away and I forget to do B, C, D, E etc. You get the picture. However, on this day, that lame old cliche kicked in and said ‘take it one day at a time’.
After the sad sack of track run, I started to feel my heart a little and I didn’t want to over do it because I was actually afraid I was going to die. Yeah!!!! I don’t know if that was rational or not, but that change was the most important thing that was hammered home to me that day. Oh shit, here comes another cliche. I hate myself right now…..’Slow and steady wins the race’……Honestly, somebody shoot me in the face right now. What have I become? Let’s just continue below. Short memory.
Ahem….I felt positive and was proud of myself at the end of the day. There was a determination that hadn’t been there in a long time. A fire was a brewing. DAY 1 was a success to me. I didn’t try to do too much and I felt I was on the right path. No cliches to end this one, just stats. SIDENOTE: I love stats…….a lot!
DAY 1 STATS
Weight: 195 Pounds
Distance: 12.8 km
Calories Burned: 3028
Resting Heart Beats Per Minute: 68
Calories Taken In: Did not do this on DAY 1
Food Eaten: Did not do this on DAY 1 (One thing at a time! Geez!)
Thanks for following my adventure. If you have any questions, I’m just an email away.
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