Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired: Week 25

Posted by Edward Ernest | Jun 18, 2018 | Body Image, Depression, Self Esteem, Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired | 0 |

Last week I was frustrated with people asking me about relationships, this week provided me with a whole new set of frustrations. I’m still unable to exercise due to injury, and I think I’m gaining some weight, which is just fucking with my self-esteem in a major way as I attempt to not be sick and tired anymore. But another thing that hit the shitter this week was rebuilding the front page of this website.

In an attempt to bring an improved experience for the end user, I thought it was best to bring in an outside freelancer to provide a better layout for finding things on this site, specifically the front page. It all started on a high note. We were both on the same page, but then this asshole started pulling a disappearing act. His communication became sporadic, and when I finally laid into him, this piece of shit disappeared for good.

I was livid. LIVID.

He delivered a half-finished product and wasn’t a decent enough human being to take responsibility. If I knew where he lived, I would have keyed his car at the very least with the possibility of knifing his tires. Revenge is my middle name.

So yeah, I’m angry and frustrated right now. It’s starting to feel like things are taking a downhill slide all at once, and I don’t know how to get out of this mood. Thoughts of failure are popping into my head more often. I’m thinking I’m not good enough and/or mentally tough to handle obstacles.

Pretty much my brain is my own worst enemy at the moment. And I don’t know if you’re like me, but when I get really down, I start thinking about my funeral, who will be there, and what will people say about me. This happens more often than I’d like to admit but it’s my truth. On a walk this week, it popped into my head, and I had tears in my eyes as people passed me by.

The good part was that I needed a good cry, so it kinda got my floodgates open. And when I got home, the rest came gushing out like an open fire hydrant. 

With me, when it rains, it pours.

Hopefully, I’ll have a better forecast next week because right now it feels like this storm might last awhile.

Night Night.

Thanks for following my adventure of Being Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired. If you have any questions, I’m just an email away. Also, if you want to read from DAY ONE, CLICK HERE!


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