Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired: Week 27

Posted by Edward Ernest | Jul 5, 2018 | Addiction, Body Image, Self Esteem, Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired | 0 |

At the beginning of the week, I went for some more leg and back treatments so I could finally return to the gym. Mental and Website issues just seem to be mounting, and my mood is suffering greatly. With last weeks drug cravings hitting my front burners, I know I need to start working out or be proactive in any way before it’s too late.

The good news was that I felt great after the treatment. The bad news is that I went to the gym yesterday and totally set myself back to square one. Now I just want to scream at everyone in frustration but won’t do so because I’m not that kinda guy.

But I am the kinda guy that will eat my sorrows away, and that’s what I did.

And now I feel like shit because I had a Big Mac with no cheese, a regular hamburger(My nickname is blando in case you were wondering, and I only eat cheese on pizza), a large order of fries, and a medium coke. Then I went to the movies an hour later and ate a large bag of popcorn and drank a large coke there too.

Jeez!! I’m blowing up like I had an allergic reaction to a bee sting before my very eyes.

I mean, that’s just a disgusting sequence of food events in the same day. I’M DISGUSTING! Someone shoot me because I’m revolting myself.

I feel terrible, and now I’m gonna start to look terrible too. There’s no way I’m living past the age of 60 now that I’m back on this horse.

Do I need to starve myself tomorrow, so I don’t gain any weight? Now I’m back to being the 23-year-old version of myself and completely manorexic.

This whole situation has now thrown me for a loop, and I feel like I’m in a giant vicious cycle with no ability to break free from it. My vices, anxiety, vanity, and inner critic are all working overtime to create a tsunami of events that won’t stop until I’ve fallen off the wagon in all facets of my life.

To work this hard for 8 months and then to have it break down so fast doesn’t seem fair. But as I’m writing this, it’s more apparent than ever that unless the same constant healthy routine is in my life, as soon as one of those things breaks down and not replaced right away, then a void is created which gives the opportunity for my old bad habits to rise from the ashes once again. Was that a horrible run-on sentence or what?

Hopefully I can get past this, but for now, I’m just gonna go surround myself with others which is usually the last thing I’d think about doing, but I need to stop thinking about everything.

Night Night.

Thanks for following my adventure of Being Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired. If you have any questions, I’m just an email away. Also, if you want to read from DAY ONE, CLICK HERE!


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