I am writing this week’s ‘sick and tired of being sick and tired’ article, stone cold sober……yeesh! If you remember from last week, I subbed my hardcore drug cravings for some lighter fare aka marijuana. And it worked! But then I was high all day long, every day, 24/7 baby!
When I do something, it seems like I go full steam ahead until I hit the edge of the cliff and fall over. It’s just my addictive personality. So writing this sober is an accomplishment in itself. Since we’ve last spoken, I’ve done everything while super high, and barely anyone has noticed. I’ve taken care of kids (with other adults around), gone to family dinners, worked, had meetings, etc. I was still a fully functional human in society and got shit done, but deep down it was bothering me that I was high all day long when I didn’t have to be. However, playing with a two-year-old kid who is always asking you to do the same thing over by saying ‘again’ is usually unbearable, but I did it with a smile this past week and even laughed a little too. So it was kinda a mixed bag I guess. Well, that’s if you don’t count the side effects.
First things first, I’m now a fat pig again. I think I’ve gained ten pounds in the last three weeks. I eat pizza almost every single day, followed by french fries, and a coca-cola. I can’t help myself. I’m gross, and my grossness can’t be stopped. My veins are now filled with bad cholesterol, and it seems like I’ve chosen a new way to kill myself slowly. Either I’ll have a heart attack in a few years at this pace, or I’ll spontaneously combust like the fat guy in Monty Python’s ‘Meaning of Life.’ And I also don’t want people to be nice to me when I point out my fatness either. I want you to agree with me, so I can at least feel that I’m right about something for my self-esteems sake, because then I might do something to fix my waist of space…..or should it be space of waist?
Besides all this weight gain, I’m naturally falling asleep quickly, but for some reason, I’m now waking up at two in the morning. I’ll be staring at my ceiling with no end in sight unless I masturbate, which helps me fall back asleep for about an hour, but then I’m up again like clockwork at one-hour intervals. I mean, how fucked up is that?
So yes, weed has helped me kick one habit, but unfortunately, my new addiction has two terrible side effects. I feel like I’m almost back to where I started in a way, but at least I’m sober today and willing to combat this problem before my blood turns into gravy.
One last thing!!! Whoever wants to complain by email that I’m fat phobic, I’d just like to point out that I’m only fat phobic towards myself, so that doesn’t count. I just want to be mentally and physically aligned as best I can, is that so wrong?
Thanks for following my adventure of Being Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired. If you have any questions, I’m just an email away. Also, if you want to read from DAY ONE, CLICK HERE!