You’ll notice that I had a 30k plus Fitbit day today as I walked to and from the office, plus I went on a long errand for lunch. That errand being shopping as I’m going to Florida tomorrow to visit my parents and needed some things. It was a mall walk lunch.
Now back to me being obsessed with my weight again, ala my Day 51 post. Yeah, fuck me.
I can’t keep away from the scale. When I’m home I jump on it too many times and I’ve become unhealthy because of it. I’m ruining what’s supposed to be a refreshing ‘new me’ experience with all of my insecurities now coming to the forefront.
It’s like once I got passed the point of you’re healthy again and your heart is back to normal and your exercising and solid eating habits are going to make your life great again, my own inner critic had to jump in the way and say, “great work Fatty Mcfatterson! You think you’re skinny, you’re more like fat skinny, nice fat neck, or head, it all looks like one these days.”
Yes, here’s my old 23 year old manorexic inner critic jumping into the light after lurking in the shadows for so long. I hate him so much.
This evil asshole has just been sitting and waiting for me. It’s like he wanted me to reach a new height, knowing if I got high enough, the thud he’d hear when he tried to rip me down would be louder and more painful than ever.
It seems I’m in for a fight as this asshole inner critic won’t be leaving anytime soon.
The best thing I can think of is to rid myself of a scale when I move into my new place so I never have to see my weight again. The thought of the scale is when he creeps up the most.
I think I’m getting close to the point where I can feel and listen to what my body is telling me, so I won’t need the scale anymore? Is this wishful thinking? Have I reverted back to being a scared child?
Ugggggghhhh! I need to get back on the mindfulness bandwagon. If only I had the patience.
So yeah, my inner critic can pretty much go fuck himself.
Enjoy my Fitbit stats below.
DAY 52 STATS
Weight: 175 Pounds
Distance: 25.72 km
Time: 181 Minutes
Peak Heart Rate: 0 Minutes
Cardio Heart Rate: 7 Minutes
Fat Burn Heart Rate: 3 Hr 19 Minutes
Resting Heart Beats Per Minute: 61
Calories Burned: 3873
Calories Taken In: 1690
(All Calories Are Best Estimates. When In Doubt I Went Higher)
(I’ve never been a breakfast guy FYI. Eating breakfast at all is new to me.)
Oatmeal with Fruit: 41o Calories
Garden Salad: 508 Calories
Watermelon: 132 Calories
Sushi With Veggies: 508 Calories
Watermelon: 132 Calories
Thanks for following my adventure of Being Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired. If you have any questions, I’m just an email away. Also, if you want to read from DAY ONE, CLICK HERE!
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.