Fidget Spinner Saturation

Posted by Christie Szymanowski | May 29, 2017 | ADHD, Anxiety, Fake News, Social Media Anxiety Disorder of the Week | 0 |

Fidget spinners may be all the rage in elementary and middle schools, but for adults, they cause nothing but headaches. If you know parents and teachers who have had to deal with the annoying little toys, they’ve certainly posted about it on social media by now.

Many Facebook users are finding the posts about fidget spinners more annoying than the toys themselves. Adults who don’t work in childhood education and who don’t regularly come into contact with children just see the same posts over and over again.

“Dude, seriously, just STOP with all the fidget spinner posts!” wrote Jon Cranston on a viral article about the devices. “I’ve never even seen one of these things in real life. I don’t care if your kid cried ‘cause he’s a little shit and got his taken away during Social Studies. It’s a fucking five dollar toy! My mom would’ve thrown it on the pavement and stomped on it in front of me if I pulled that shit. She didn’t give a single fuck.”

“I went into a gas station to buy a Monster before work, and they were selling those fidget spinners,” said Julie Wilson. “There was this twelve-year-old girl just standing there with one of the stupid things – she’d just bought it, I guess, ‘cause she’d thrown the packaging on the floor, and she’s just creating this stupid Instagram video of her spinning it. Literally, no one wants to watch your stupid fidget spinner video. NO ONE! They all spin the exact same way.”

Wilson’s woe didn’t end here. She said that she “likes” NPR on Facebook, and even they’d written a story about the overhyped toys. “At least they were debunking the myth that they help with ADD, but still. I just… I didn’t need to see another fidget spinner post today, you know? It’s all too much.”

We reached out to Dr. Irene Patel, who recently finished her doctoral dissertation on social media phenomena, to weigh in on fidget spinner posts on Facebook. “You have these kids who are completely enamored by fidget spinners. So enamored that if a fidget spinner asked them to marry them, they would definitely say yes. Anyway, they’re absolutely an elementary school fad, much like Pogs were when I was a kid, but Pogs were way cooler. And then you sort of have this ‘meta-fad’ going on where adults are obsessed with the fact that kids are obsessed with them. It’s understandable that people who aren’t around kids are annoyed by these posts, like me, as I think they should all be killed. So parents and teachers are looking for a place to vent, and they’re going to Facebook to do so, but maybe we should be using vigilante justice instead.”

Dr. Patel was reluctant to classify the fidget spinner phenomenon as an actual anxiety disorder, but she did tell us people are likely suffering from “fidget spinner saturation.” Thankfully, people who find their feeds inundated with spinner posts probably won’t have to deal with it for much longer, and if they do, Dr. Patel tells us that she already bought a gun.

“Fads, by their nature, don’t last long, and kids have notoriously short attention spans,” said Dr. Patel. “I give it a few months before the fidget spinner becomes a ‘remember when?’ Nostalgia piece, but if it doesn’t, I’ll make your child a ‘remember when? Distant memory.”

Until then, stay strong.

This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

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About The Author

Christie Szymanowski

Christie is the least funny person we know when it comes to conversational humor. However, once you put a pen in her hand, her humorous observational skills come to life like never before. She's like the Jekyll & Hyde for our office.In her spare time, she likes to knit and we don't know much else because she keeps to herself for the most part. Many people at the office think she doesn't really like us much, due to the eerily similar looking voodoo dolls of us that she keeps her knitting sticks in.

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