Star Wars: A New Coping Mechanism

Posted by Christie Szymanowski | Feb 26, 2018 | Fake News, News, Social Media Anxiety Disorder of the Week | 0 |

Warning: There be spoilers ahead. If you haven’t seen Star Wars: The Last Jedi, turn away now. Also, why haven’t you seen The Last Jedi yet? It’s been out forever. Get your shit together and go see it.

People all over the world have been anticipating the second installment of the revamped Star Wars franchise since The Force Awakens opened two years ago. Met with largely positive reviews despite a few complaints that it was derivative of A New Hope, fans were overwhelmingly pleased with the direction it took. After ten years in limbo, Star Wars was finally about gritty space adventures again. 

Critics raved about The Last Jedi. On Rotten Tomatoes, it’s earned a 90% Certified Fresh rating. Fans, however, gave the movie mixed reviews. According to Rotten Tomatoes, only 50% left the film satisfied with its direction. Notably, the prequels have higher audience approval ratings than The Last Jedi. 

Seconds after the movie ended, fans of the franchise leapt to Facebook to express their opinions in the form of rants and raves. 

“It’s ridiculous,” wrote Raul Simmons. “I want the space adventures of Han and Luke like in the old days. I don’t care if they’re hobbling around on walkers with broken hips. That’s what Star Wars is about.”

His friend, Amanda Ferris, rebutted his status update within moments. “People just like complaining about things that are good. Sure, Star Wars is taking a new direction. So what? You think Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford wanted to do this forever? And Carrie Fiscer passed away a year ago. It’s time to embrace change. These Star Wars movies are about the next generation of rebels. #letitgo”

Jason Sanchez, a profoundly bored usher for Cinemark who was chowing down on a half-eaten Crunch bar he found in an empty theater at the time we interviewed him, said he’s had a lot of trouble getting people to leave the theaters after the movie because they’re too busy trying to rant online about how much they either loved or hated it.

“I’m just trying to do my job, but everyone thinks they’re a critic nowadays,” he said. “It’s always some douchebag muttering under their breath about how the series has been ruined for them forever while their fingers fly across their phone. You tell them to leave and they’re, like, ‘How can you say that when this movie trampled on the good name of Luke Skywalker?’”

Ben Cota is a therapist from Seattle who’s seen a big influx of patients coming in specifically to talk about how The Last Jedi has caused them to lose friendships. “People come in and tell me how they haven’t spoken to their best friend in weeks. How their Facebook has blown up with hundreds of comments of people telling them they have bad taste, and that they’re not real Star Wars fans. It’s toxic gatekeeping.”

Cota has tough love for fans that are in a tizzy over The Last Jedi. “I know Star Wars is serious business, but at the end of the day, it’s a freaking movie franchise. Just shut up and stop bitching at your friends for liking – or hating – something.”

This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

Photo Credit: JD Hancock

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