I don’t know how I got here, well I kinda do, and by kinda, I mean I do. Ha! As an adult, I’m still making the same relationship mistakes I did when I was a teenager. Thus, why I still sit at the kid’s table. I have a tendency, based on my past, to be involved in codependent relationships. And my specific codependent attachment style is called Anxious Attachment, and it has gotten me nowhere.
To fight Anxious Attachment, I first had to understand what it was. It seems that when I was younger, my parents were at times nurturing, attuned to me and responded effectively to me when I was in need, while at other times they were intrusive, insensitive or emotionally unavailable. Going back and forth between both types of responses was very confusing, and I became very insecure not knowing what treatment I should expect. I became distrustful of my parents but at the same time clingy to them. And now, decades later, that attachment style is so embedded in me, that it destroys all of my relationships, and also causes them to stop even before they can even begin.
I often feel desperate in a relationship, which is odd because I’m so not that way in other aspects of my life. I feel like I’m always pursuing and that I constantly have to seek approval for the relationship to continue. I need my partner to validate my self-worth. I anticipate the moment I’m going to be abandoned. It’s like I’m predicting the bad news all the time and it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And then, it’s over.
This has now happened to me over and over and over again. However, I’m now at the point where I’m putting my foot down against my self. I’m just tired of doing the same thing. I’m like a broken record. It’s exhausting.
Now it’s up to me to pick up the pieces. I can now see the pattern of how this anxious attachment style affects not just my relationships but also my self-esteem in general. Now that I’m aware, it’s the first part of the battle to try and make the change that’s in my best interest.
I know it will be an uphill battle with some steps forward and many steps backward. As long as I continue to dust myself off, pick myself back up and move forward, I know I’ll be able to change my anxious attachment style. Practice makes perfect, right?
I hope you enjoy the drawing below and hopefully; I don’t keep on making the same texting mistakes that I keep on making these days. Wish me luck.
Too Eager by Edward Ernest
If you or a loved one you know battles with Codependency, or Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.