There are only so many fucks to give in your life (as we’ll all die) so spend them wisely. That’s the corner stone of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson and here’s my in depth review with a language warning. There are many ‘fucks’ used in this post, but do I really give a fuck anymore?
With the invention of social media, the urge to Give Fucks and compare has become an epidemic. It is robbing us of happiness. When I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, I realized that I needed to stop ADDING things to give a fuck about, and indeed just start giving fewer Fucks in general. Great wisdom. Only give a fuck about the things that align with your personal values. This has radically changed my family life, my advice to friends, and my involvement with all the drama that my three sisters can bring.
What are some of the things I learned? Find meaningful things to focus on that make you feel fulfilled in life, including people, places, and things. Stop giving a fuck about having a better job, home or more beautiful girlfriend. Everything in life has challenges associated with it. It’s up to you find the meaning in your life to overcome the challenges that you’ve been presented with. The goal is to sustain yourself on as few Fucks as possible. Make sense so far.
This book also helped me negate things others have been trying to tell me, especially when it comes to other books. When you check out self-help books, and they ask you to list everything that you want out of life, they’re asking you to only focus on what you DON’T have. These lists serve to reinforce that you are not that thing.
With the internet, smart phones and social media in general, there are millions of ways to see what we could have. We believe that we need to measure up to this pretty girl with her Valencia filter and FaceTune app on Fleek. But that shit isn’t even as good as it looks in person!
If you start to look at your own life experience and accept it as being amazing and wonderful and suited to you, then you can reclaim your own happiness NOW. Not after reading The Secret, or when you finish climbing Mount Everest, but NOW!
I thought I’d be fucking stoked when I landed my first Ad Job. But alas, I am but a mortal with no foresight. I was chained to a desk wondering which movie I saw that made me think this would be fulfilling. Damn Hollywood!
Also, I learned to give no fucks about other people’s lives. Especially their Instagrams. If people posted every damn photo in their roll, I’m sure your envy would come to a quick halt. Those are only the highlights. I’m smiling like a pageant queen in most of my IG photos, but I skipped over my clinical depression pics real comfortably. I believe my first caption back was “back from living life!!”, instead of “newly medicated!” Which I’m sure half of Instagram can relate to. (ex. Instagram models living at home in small towns with a DSLR camera and no actual modelling contracts, or couples Instagrams that don’t have any pictures of the mistresses and Zaddy’s going on behind the scenes.) But that’s a THEM problem, not a YOU problem this book finally made me realize. Just keep that little story line in the back of your head the next time you think “they/she/he’s so perfect!” You can’t compare to them. You have a different set of life tools and no Fucks to give. That is not your path, and you can’t see their struggle. Stop wishing to be a Kardashian because it’s a curated lifestyle (except for Rob, obviously.)
Accepting your own experience of life (and how others experience life) as great and wonderful is the single greatest thing you can do for your happiness. Stop being obsessed with the “What Ifs” that plague society these days. Start thinking “What now” or “What’s the NEXT right step”. Celebrate the small stuff. This was huge for me.
You need to not give a fuck about the pain your goals require. It makes you unstoppable. The moments when we don’t give a fuck and take action are often the moments that most define the course of our lives.
Subtlety #1: Don’t be indifferent. Just only give a fuck about the important things.
Subtlety #2: To not give a fuck about adversity, you have to care about something more important than adversity.
Subtlety #3: Whether you realize it or not, you are always choosing what to give a fuck about. The key is to gradually prioritize what you care about so that you only give a fuck about the most important stuff
It’s ok for things to suck sometimes. My life sucks a lot! When a person has no problems, the mind automatically finds a way to invent some. This is what we call “First World Problems.” You have 365 days in a year. If you woke up happy each day you would be A) Medicated or B) A Psychopath. IT’S OK to be mad, sad, disappointed, cry, frustrated, bad at something, etc. Just don’t make it part of your identity like saying “this always happens” or “This never happens” and give no fucks about it. Say “This sucked” and move on. I love saying “this sucked” now.
Also, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck tells you that these emotions you’re having are biological signals designed to direct you toward beneficial change. Negative emotions are a sign that something is going unaddressed. They are a call to action for you. It’s why I broke up with my toxic ex-best friend, and my life is way better for it too.
There’s a lot more this book has to offer, and I just shared a snippet. My life has changed dramatically after this reading this book and it’s because it’s taught me how not to sweat the small stuff and just move on.
I’m living proof. I’ve picked key players as the book told me and I have priorities in my life too. Since then, I now have a partner, eight solid friends that I use the word best in front of and an amazing job working in mental health. Everything else can go fuck itself. So yeah, give minimal fucks, savagely. It’s the only way to survive in this hypnotizing social media landscape. Those people aren’t happier than you; They just have great fucking branding.
I can’t recommend The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck any more than I already have. It changed my fucking life for the better, and now I’m going to stop working for the day because it’s Friday afternoon and I don’t give a fuck.
Click on the title to purchase a copy of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.