The Addictionary of Oxford English | Bitcoin

Posted by Sir Alexander Johns | Mar 19, 2017 | Addiction, The Addictionary of Oxford English | 0 |



1[mass noun] A type of digital currency in which encryption techniques are used to regulate the generation of units of currency and verify the transfer of funds, operating independently of a central bank.

‘I was perusing Silk Road on the dark web and came across a hand grenade as if it was on display at Pub and Pastry window in Knightsbridge. The cheeky owner of this lovely device told me to pay him in Bitcoin, and even though I hadn’t the foggiest about Bitcoin, I still thought it was quite peachy.’  – Oxford English

1.1[count noun] A unit of bitcoin.

‘I tried to buy some bangers and mash with my bitcoins in 2010, but due to odd circumstances, it was never ordered and my bitcoin wallet was misplaced for 7 years. The Bobbies finally returned my hard drive two weeks ago and the bitcoins are now worth 660,000 quid. I should take those wankers out for a pint or two.   – Oxford English

Bitcoin Quotes about Oxford English

“He wanted to pay me 20 Bitcoins instead of my regular 5 quid to watch him Toss Off and then suck on his Bell-end, and I was like ‘What the fuck is a Bitcoin?”- Jenny English (Oxford’s Cousin)

“He keeps coming round the pub lately and bragging about how much he made on Bitcoin but to tell you the truth, nobody believes a word he says. It’s all total Tosh. Rubbish. If he walked 2 kilometres, he’d say 3. Up is down. Right is left. He’s a giant Todger and we all know it.” – Dave O’Reilly (Oxford’s Sworn Life Long Enemy and the Mayor of Jonesshire)

“The Tosser wanted to pay his settlement in Bitcoin when I was Up the Duff with his baby. Something about tax reasons. I think he was selling stuff on the internets. Illegal Hatchimals I heard.” – Claire O’Reilly (Dave O’Reilly’s Ex-Wife)

“We confiscated Oxford’s hard drive after he was suspected in the cross border drug trade over the internet. He got off on the technicality though. He had nowhere close to the amount of Bitcoin needed at the time for the purchase of 100 pounds of pure Cocaine. The bugger did buy a grenade though.” – Lionel Jagger (Scotland Yard Field Agent)


Early 21st century: from bit + coin.



About The Author

Sir Alexander Johns

Sir Alexander Johns grew up in South Manchester, the son of the neighborhood gossip, until they were exiled, as his mother began spreading false and malicious rumors when all the towns real information dried up. While in hiding, Alexander picked up his mother's chit chatty skills and applied them to a weekly paper he wrote and distributed at his new Upper School, called 'Bollocks.' Circulation in his first year reached a whopping 1000 copies a week, and he was quickly the most loved, yet hated, person on campus. Alexander's exploits and new found wealth got him accepted into Oxford University where he majored in English and Creative Writing. He recreated his weekly newspaper, this time calling it 'Suck My Bollocks', for the University crowd and it quickly became the National Enquirer of the Oxford world. Money began pouring in. However, the Oxford Elite were not impressed as they were now subject to the same gossip as his previous school and administration. After his first semester, Alexander was quickly dismissed for breaking many school ethics laws about Libel, Slander, and Wire Fraud. Soon after his dismissal, Alexander became obsessed with causing a stir and wrote his first book. It was the Unauthorized Biography of Elton John entitled 'Fat Drug Addict.' It became a huge smash hit and caused a major ruckus in the inner circles of London High Society. He followed that up with an even bigger hit, the Unauthorized Biography of Margaret Thatcher called 'The Many Men in Margaret's Thatch.' He has since written over 20 Unauthorized Biographies and sold over 120 million copies around the world, and was knighted by the Queen of Denmark, in return for never moving to or writing about any member of Danish decent.

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