The Addictionary of Oxford English | Candle

Posted by Sir Alexander Johns | May 22, 2017 | Addiction, The Addictionary of Oxford English | 0 |

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Definition of candle (noun) in English:



1 [noun] A cylinder or block of wax or tallow with a central wick which is lit to produce light as it burns.

“The aftermath of Princess Diana’s death was the worst time of my life. Did I know her? Heavens, no. I met her once at a gala, if that counts. No – it’s that cursed Elton John song. I swear, it played every time I turned on the radio. For months, ‘You’re a candle in the wind…’ Over. And over. And over.” – Oxford English

“Buddha said, ‘Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle.’ But two wet fingers can just as easily snuff the life out of the bloody thing.” – Oxford English

Candle Quotes about Oxford English

“We had to go to mass every night at Sorberster Orphanage, which he hated, of course. Honestly, he’d probably burst into flames if he stepped within fifty feet of Westminster Abbey nowadays. Every child had to go up and light a candle at the altar. Poor little thing was scared stiff of the priest. And who could blame him? Awful breath. Yellow teeth. So there was Oxford, shaking in his Oxfords. Ha. Well, he shook a bit too hard, I suppose, and caught his sleeve on fire. Father Craig tried to put it out, but he caught himself on fire. Guess he didn’t think to stop, drop, and roll, so he was… erm… incinerated in front of all the orphans. Thankfully, Oxford had paid attention in fire safety class and put it out himself. Don’t think he was ever the same after that, though.” Louise-Marie Moneypenny (Sad Orphan #9)

“He lived next-door to… well – some might call it a cult – back in the ‘70s. You know, free love and expression and worshipping daisies and rainbows was big back then. We weren’t exactly Jonestown levels of mad, but…  At any rate, we called ourselves the Fellowship of the Eternal Flame. We all lived in this desanctified Anglican church on the outskirts of Leeds, and our leader, the Almighty Joseph Livingston, installed a giant candle at the center of the labyrinth on the floor. He said that the day all the wax melted would be the day the world would end, and only the Fellowship of the Eternal Flame would ascend to heaven. Oxford thought we were loonies, so one night he snuck into the church in the middle of the night and dumped an entire bucket of water on our beloved candle. He was tired of our chanting, I suppose. Livingston was furious and locked him in one of those old confession booths for three days. I guess whichever wife he was on noticed he’d gone missing, because on the fourth day, the coppers showed up to rescue him. I got five years. Livingston got twenty. Oxford got a lifelong addiction/fear of candles and small spaces.   Eugene Dockery (Reformed Cultist #9)


Old English candel, from Latin candela, from candere ‘be white or glisten’.


candle /ˈkand(ə)l/

About The Author

Sir Alexander Johns

Sir Alexander Johns grew up in South Manchester, the son of the neighborhood gossip, until they were exiled, as his mother began spreading false and malicious rumors when all the towns real information dried up. While in hiding, Alexander picked up his mother's chit chatty skills and applied them to a weekly paper he wrote and distributed at his new Upper School, called 'Bollocks.' Circulation in his first year reached a whopping 1000 copies a week, and he was quickly the most loved, yet hated, person on campus. Alexander's exploits and new found wealth got him accepted into Oxford University where he majored in English and Creative Writing. He recreated his weekly newspaper, this time calling it 'Suck My Bollocks', for the University crowd and it quickly became the National Enquirer of the Oxford world. Money began pouring in. However, the Oxford Elite were not impressed as they were now subject to the same gossip as his previous school and administration. After his first semester, Alexander was quickly dismissed for breaking many school ethics laws about Libel, Slander, and Wire Fraud. Soon after his dismissal, Alexander became obsessed with causing a stir and wrote his first book. It was the Unauthorized Biography of Elton John entitled 'Fat Drug Addict.' It became a huge smash hit and caused a major ruckus in the inner circles of London High Society. He followed that up with an even bigger hit, the Unauthorized Biography of Margaret Thatcher called 'The Many Men in Margaret's Thatch.' He has since written over 20 Unauthorized Biographies and sold over 120 million copies around the world, and was knighted by the Queen of Denmark, in return for never moving to or writing about any member of Danish decent.

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