The Narcissist Combat Handbook | Exercise and Diet Regimen | Introduction

Posted by Chad The Impaler | Apr 17, 2017 | Narcissist Combat Handbook | 0 |

If we’re going to go to war and make no mistake, we are at war; you’ll need to be in your best mental and physical shape. If any part of your makeup is lacking, then you’ll be eaten alive by narcissists, or you’ll become one of those sick puppies. Unlike a zombie attack, if you think you’re being turning into one, I don’t recommend shooting yourself in the head to escape being sent straight to hell as there’s the possibility of you being turned back into a regular human one day.

People that have been turned back into regular human beings that were once Narcissists include, Darth Vader, Jerry Mcguire, The Terminator, The Guy George Clooney Played In ‘Up In The Air’, Ebenezer Scrooge, Daddy Warbucks, and The Grinch.

So as we can see, it’s still possible.  If you noticed that there were no women on the list, it’s because women can’t be turned back into regular human beings once they become a narcissist and scientifically it’s due to their hearts already being much colder than male hearts before the turning. Thus, due to the extreme freezing, the female heart is just not thawable.

Wait one second. My trusty sidekick has something to say about this, and he’s pretty adamant about it all to the point of being super annoying.

Dr. Jonas Van: All of those people you mentioned were movie characters and as we all know there are not many good roles for women in movies.

Me: What does that have to do with the price of tea in China, Doc?

Dr. Jonas Van: I just think you’re taking the anger you have towards your mother, for not protecting you from your father, out on all females, and that’s not fair.

Me: Yeah, well I just think you’re sharing too much information about me in public and that goes against Doctor-Patient privilege, and someone might get disbarred. So how do you like that?

Dr. Jonas Van: Can we have an emergency session? I think something triggered you and you’re not telling me.

Me: No. I’m fine.

Dr. Jonas Van: I just know something’s bugging you.

Me: Ok!! Jeez! I hate you so much…….After I finish this introduction, ok?

Dr. Jonas Van: I’m looking forward to it.

Me: You would!!

Sorry about that, now let’s get back to why we’re here, which is to fuck narcissists up.

We need to get as healthy as possible. Now, the bad news if you’re reading this, is that you’re most likely in terrible shape. However, the good news is that you found me and I am now a master of both emotional, spiritual and physical intelligence.

You see, to destroy a narcissist, you must have your mind, body, and soul aligned. I know what you’re thinking, and no this isn’t some new age bullshit I made up after I attended Ayahuasca in Peru. This regimen really works, and I’m living proof. The catch to this routine is that everything is a catch-22. You need your mind to be sharp, and your mind is at it’s sharpest when doing physical activity and some heavy duty mindfulness training. Pretty much we need to be like Bruce Lee because Bruce Lee was pretty much the coolest dude on the planet and was the original narcissist killer. He was a Chinese guy that came to America and became a movie star against all odds in a white man’s world. Bruce stuck it to the man, and the man is the biggest narcissist of all time, and also like a huge racist, but don’t forget about him still being a truly massive narcissist. Then in his movies, all he did was slay fucking narcissists everywhere. He’d stomp their faces, choke them out, kick them so hard their hearts flew out of their chests, and he’d also out-philosophize them too. He was like a mix between Aristotle, Confucious, Buddha, and Neo from The Matrix. So yeah, we’re going to be like Bruce Lee.

Brain Exercises, Running, Meditating, Push Ups, Mindfulness, Boggle, Massages, Reading, Kegel Sphincter Contractions, and even some healthy eating. I forgot about the diet. No more fries people. That was a tough one for me, and it’s still a constant battle, but it’s the reality of the war we’re waging. We need to be aligned, and I’ll get into more into detail soon, but I must get going right now to my stupid session with Dr. Jonas Van.

Ugggh! I hate him so much.

This post was created with the help of Grammarly.


About The Author

Chad The Impaler

Chad the Impaler, is a super cool guy that was born into a coven of narcissists, but just like Harry Potter, he was the boy that lived. After 11 years of working at his local 7/11, Chad began to study the dark art of psychology (self taught, unlike those fools that pay tons for private universities) and soon blossomed into an expert of Narcissism and all related Narcissistic subjects i.e. Psychopaths and Instagram. He is the world's most renowned Narcissist Killer and the creator of the Narcissinstagram Theory. Which pretty much explains how and why everyone in the world will become a narcissist if they haven't been turned into one already and why we should all be really, really, really, really, really, really, scared. He's currently working on a Narcissist Combat Handbook which will most likely be a New York Times Best Seller with the help of his trusty sidekick Dr. Jonas Von (He's super annoying). On most days, he can be found working on his various hobbies, like breaking things for fun, building soap box derby cars, and threatening to smash people's faces in that remind him of his father.

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