The Narcissist Combat Handbook | Pizza | Weapon

Posted by Chad The Impaler | Jul 12, 2018 | Narcissist Combat Handbook, Self Esteem | 0 |

It is a common known fact that Pizza is the most delicious food on the face of this universe. And because of that, it is one of the greatest weapons in the Narcissist Combat Arsenal. As stated in a previous post, when a regular individual is turned into a Narcissist, they instantaneously become Lactose Intolerant, and that presents us with an otherworldly opportunity as not a living soul, and that means vegans too, can resist eating pizza.

In our grand plan to take down Mark Zuckerberg, the use of pizza will become a key ingredient to our success. As the special ops team (which I’ll be leading) scales the walls of Facebook Headquarters to avoid detection, my trusty sidekick, Dr. Jonas Von, will have ordered personal sized pizzas for every employee, including security guards, about thirty minutes prior. And by the time we get there, everyone inside would have eaten their pizza so fast, because pizza is that good, that they’ll all be in the bathroom shitting uncontrollably, or because they wouldn’t be any space in the bathrooms, they would all have to run to neighbouring buildings or a local Starbucks to use their bathroom. For those that are African Americans, Starbucks probably won’t let them use the bathroom and call the police on them, so they’ll most likely have no other option but to shit their pants.

All of this shitting commotion will be craptastic by giving us the opening we need to get into the building and we’ll have plenty of time to locate Mark Zuckerberg so we can kill him, and by doing so, turn all of the Narcissists that he created back into healthy people, and we’ll be treated like gods after it’s over.

Obviously, you can use this weapon for other situations as well, but this is how I’m going to use it, and if you want to be part of my special ops team that will storm the Facebook Headquarters, please email on my encrypted email. Please be skilled in Jun Keet Do, can finish a word search in under 4 minutes, and know how to do sleight of hand card tricks. Bonus points for anyone that has a car and some extra money to help pay for all the pizza we need to order. If worst comes to worst, I’ll order all the pizza on my credit card and then tell the credit card company that someone hacked my Netflix Account and stole my info and I’ll try to get a refund.


Want to know how Chad the Impaler came to be? Click Here!


If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.


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