The Netflix Itch

Posted by Christie Szymanowski | Nov 13, 2017 | Anxiety, Fake News, News, Social Media Anxiety Disorder of the Week | 0 |

On October fifth, Netflix announced that it upped the price of its mid-level plan to $10.99 per month, and its premium plan to a whopping $13.99. And when the increase took effect on October nineteenth, Facebook users had swift and scathing reactions.

“Everyone sees what you’re doing, Netflix,” outraged customer Sandra Riker commented on an article USA Today posted on Facebook. “Pulling this a week before Season 2 of Stranger Things comes out? Shameless.”

So far, her comment has received over 3,000 likes and reactions.

“This is why you never upgrade from Basic,” said Randall Williams, a personal assistant from San Francisco who will happily tell you that he’s had a Netflix subscription since 2009. “They’ll nickel and dime you just so your kids can watch My Little Pony in the other room.” Williams suggests that, in order for parents to get around this price-gouging, they should just make their kids watch with them.

“It’s never too early for kids to learn about the dangers of deranged serial killers,” he wrote in a status update. “Just let them watch Silence of the Lambs with you. What’s the worst that can happen?”

A Netflix audience researcher, who only agreed to do this interview if we kept his identity private, said that the increase in price isn’t likely to turn customers away. “We call this the Netflix Itch. They love it. They’ve gotta scratch it. Our consumers, they need us,” he said, laughing maniacally. “What are they going to do, go back to cable and be charged, like, a hundred bucks a month for stuff they can’t even choose to watch? We’ve got The Office, Friends, and How I Met Your Mother. Three of the most binge-worthy sitcoms ever. Those sheep – I mean, valued customers – will never leave.”

Gabby Morrison, a mother of two who does not let her children watch serial killer thrillers, subscribes to the premium plan because it works for her family. With the price increase, she’s not sure if she’ll continue her membership, confessing that she used to download her favorite shows illegally. “I hate to admit it, but, you know what? It’s important. I was… I was a pirate back in the day. But that was back in college! I was dating this bad boy who got me into LimeWire, and it just escalated from there. I’m a mom now, damn it! I can’t go back to that life. I won’t go back to that life.”

Psychologist Eric Shields suggests dealing with the Netflix Itch by downgrading your plan to Basic if you can. “It might mean you have to sit through Dino Trux with your kids. If that’s something you just can’t deal with, suck it up and pay the extra couple of bucks. Anything’s better than having to sit through ten minutes of Geico commercials with cable.”

This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

Photo Image: Matt Perrault

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